Highevers lamented
by Peddy poo's
Summary: Four years since Elissa & Alistair parted. He took the throne alone without her and she took a  posting in Orlais. Alisatir is forced to save Elissa Cousland from herself and the new dangers she threw herself into head first..without him.
1. Home

**Authors note: **Just a little fun for me, I'm fully aware I'm an amateur but i appreciate all your comments and reviews as they help me learn and grow :)

I always wanted the happy ending but I have been so inspired by all the ideas on here that I pondered with the idea that Elissa and Alistair may not have broken so amicable. So what happens then, they obviously were made for each other? Responsibilities make us do the stupidest things. These events do not run alongside any characters or events in awakenings and are a homage to the afterlife of the original game and its fabulous characters and DLC's. Thanks :)

CHAPTER ONE - HOME

When the snow fell in the ending months, it used to bring comfort and a slow ease towards the events of the ending calendar. For wives it would mean their husbands would come home, to mothers the wait for their only sons to come home would be over and for the warriors who guarded the bands of the lands, they would see home again only to break the news of why those who had fell…hadn't. But something, something out there yelled at the peace as though it wounded its very spirit. This peace would have to end if it was to have any rest.

A lone figure stood upon the snow dunes of Highever it's cloak drifting off with the breeze brought by the high air. It listened to the marching pipes and tavern tunes the soldiers played to let everyone know they were coming. Strands of loose raven black hair escaped from its shelter of a fur lined hide cloak and intertwined with the snowflakes that fell loosely on the shadow. A pair of battle worn hands gripped the hilts of its side daggers firmly, not fooled by the steadiness of the air that surrounded her. Looking down the silhouette watched over the weary festivities of the castle grounds deep below, _enough skulking_, the shadow thought, _better get this over with_.

As she trekked down the dunes and through the valley she fell in line with the other soldiers returning home, tired smiles and light pats on the shoulder were her people's way. They didn't know it yet but celebrating would be a sombre affair. They had found out exactly what they needed to on their four-month stretch, the Darkspawn were back and Highever was the first for the onslaught and they, the new Grey Wardens of Ferelden would try to stop it.

As she dropped the hood of her cloak and shook her hair loose, a sudden spray of light fluttered past her with small gasps of joy adjoined to it. The colours were beautiful and felt like a summers day as they whizzed around her. Firebugs, she thought to herself. Such a beautiful thing on such a sour day, she sighed and her heart sank an extra few miles deeper into her bleak soul. Nothing would hold the joys she used to feel when she made this final stride home; life could never be the way it was four years ago. Never.

As the great doors of Highever opened the marching band of warriors came to a halt to let the wispy figure of the shadow scout through and Elissa held her head high and forced the corners of her mouth to turn up into a smile.

Elissa Cousland, Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens touched the hands of all who requested it. She had become somewhat of a leading figure since the blight, but she cared nothing for it. Nothing mattered anymore, not even the new danger. In fact she quite thought she might be ready to sit down and talk with it this time. She didn't mind if no one wanted to join her against this new foe, she would gladly go on her own. This plan had been etching itself out in her head on the four-week journey home. Mustn't let them know. _Smile Elissa…Smile._

Well, its what you do isn't it? When your heart wont beat anymore and your soul seeps away every time you close your eyes. She used to think that she had run out of tears but that was just a ruse her mind played on her. For a few months after…after…she still couldn't think about it. The pain threatened to spread across her face and they would know, they would finally find out that the hero of Ferelden wasn't as strong as they all thought.

She found a friendly face and made her excuses from the crowds now jumping all over the returning heroes. Slipping the top button of her cloak out of its sheath she started to pull at the itchy fabric that had kept her warm. Stepping inside she started to peel of the thermals she had wrapped herself up in and headed towards the fire. Its crackling silence calmed her more than anything else that day. She used to jump at the sight of seeing her old home but now it was nothing more than bricks and mortar. Empty. Full of memories. Bad memories. Memories she never wanted to embrace again. And she never will if…no _when_ her plan took effect.

"My Lady…. There is something you must know…"

"…Not now Arlan…repack my bags, restock my poultices and rations. I will need new armour and a smithy to tend to these. By tonight." She chucked a small leather holdall at Arlan and the clank as it hit him reassured him that they were her beloved daggers. He reached his eyes to her belt and realised that the helms of the ones she wore at her hip were simple, plain and not of the Coustand armoury. He had a bad feeling about this.

Arlan was of medium stock and bred for the winter. His father had been steward and loyal friend to Elissa's own father and she could think of no one else she would have served her the same then Arlan. They had grown up together in the castle and both had lost much during Arl Howe's treachery and butchery of their home years before. Arlan was fiercely loyal to the warden commander. He was never fooled by the same excuses she would give others as to why she did things. Why she sat by herself of an evening? Why she hardly ate? And why she wanted her weapons sharpened seemingly as if she was to leave again when they were done. He had once cleared an entire wing of servant's quarters and guests so that the sounds of her nighttime weeping could not be heard and spread about by the kitchen gossips. He was loyal…and worried. But he also had to tell her that the returning grey wardens were not the only guests that had arrived at the castle that day.

"Erm…My Lady, before you go upstairs I think I should let you know…"

"…Please Arlan I want to take a long bath before I see any more bloody nobles and give them their sodding reports. I have shrubbery where shrubbery should never be."

"…Yes but…erm…"

Arlan bustled after her catching random bits of armour as she tossed them at him over her shoulder. She bounded down the long corridor that led to her quarters and removed one boot after another the thud of them hitting Arlan made her smirk…just a little. Her feet gloried in the touch of fine cotton upon her tired and cut feet. They felt so clean as it swept under her tired arches, stroking the calluses away. She swung the doors open to her rooms and turned to face Arlan.

"Get to it Arlan…please." She smiled as she looked Arlan in the eyes thinking of what she had to do this evening " You are a good man and don't think I don't know what you have done for me…I have been honoured to have known you." Arlan looked at her forgetting momentarily that he had something important to tell her as he caught the glimpse of goodbye in her eyes. But it was just a glimpse, because she had shut the doors in his face.

Elissa ripped her armoured bodice off and slunk out of her trousers, she took a long sigh and closed her eyes, _not long now_, she thought to herself as she turned around.

"Hello, Liss"

She could feel her heart jerk, stop and then slowly start again. Thoughts…memories rushed through her mind one clip at a time faster and faster. Sounds, voices, whispers, laughter, roses, meadows, tents…love…pain. She opened her eyes, and she wasn't wrong. She wanted to vomit with remorse.

"Get out!" she spat quietly. She didn't even hear the words come out she just opened her mouth with no power and that's what came out. It sounded pretty accurate so she stuck with it "GET OUT!" she replied a lot louder. "ARLAN!"

The doors erupted and flew backwards as Arlan ran in, fully aware of what had happened. He had tried to tell her but she wouldn't give him a chance to. He still had arms full of the armour she had chucked at him but dropped them on the ground when he realised Elissa was naked. He brought his hands up to his eyes and turned his back.

"Yes…yes my lady?" he stammered

"Get him out." She spat at him not taking her eyes off the unwelcome intruder in her room.

"Erm…I cannot. He…he is the king of Ferelden, My lady…I don't think I can"


	2. Hate

_AN: Just wanted to say a HUGE thanks to anyone who left me feedback or added this story to fave's or notify after chapter one it makes going further with this story even easier. Cheers Amigo's _

CHAPTER 2 - HATE

Those two words had answered every question he had ever asked himself about Elissa, over the last four years.

"GET OUT!"

He knew this wouldn't be easy. But the hate in her eyes was intense. It burned. Hot with fury, anger and…something else.

Her eyes used to glow with life but now they sparkled with rage looking him over for weak spots. He was sure she would like nothing more then to run him through and he was grateful she didn't have her weapons with her. As she stood there before him, naked and infuriated he saw the fresh lines of silver scars that dotted her beautiful frame. She had continued to fight whilst he had been forced to stay dry and safe, instead of shame he felt a pang of jealousy ride up his spine and tingle at the back of his now sweating neck.

Maker's breath she was still as stunning as when they last...her curves, her dangerous curves…not backing down, not covering up. Showing him everything he once treasured and lost in a moment of five treacherous seconds. She stood strong and unabashed at her nudity, not afraid who saw it. That was his Elissa. A finely tuned weapon of mass destruction to all men's hearts, especially his he quickly reminded himself. She probably expected him to blush or back down, but he didn't she wasn't the only one who toughened up in those years apart and their stubborn stand-off brought a hushed and even more tense atmosphere. He didn't even blink away; he pursed his lips and lifted his chin showing her that he wasn't intimidated.

The Bards had begun their tales and the songs echoed outside. The lament of the Hero of Ferelden, alone and unafraid as she led the charge and brought them home rang out through the corridors outside and up through the doors to her chambers. The people loved her and yet she still rode head first into war when no one was really sure there was one, why?

He had thought about this since she stormed out and away from him four years ago. But he was here for a reason and when she flashed her anger at him he felt the cold of the outside weather brush in and over his hope of a peaceful parlay with her and _her_ wardens.

"Elissa…I ask but five minutes. What am I supposed to do? You wont answer correspondences or summons to Denerim. They are anxious and paranoid old men, …we need to know what you found out there?"

She seemed to calm but he could see her chest rise and fall with allowing anger, he could see her brain fighting with smart answers and hurtful replies.

"Why don't you go and find out for yourself, your majesty?" she bit back eventually, finally blinking and washing away some of that dry fury. Alistair found relief in that although the sting of her uttering his title still hung around him.

He watched as she turned away and gathered up a robe that was lying over a nearby chair. He took the moment to inhale deeply and cast his eyes up to the maker; he glanced around the sombre looking room. Its only inhabitants were a single bed, a rocking chair and a writing desk. Sparse indeed but nothing else could warm this room. She had made it some form of prison and the heaviness on his heart grew. He must see this through.

He had planned to start by asking her how she was…but that was obvious. He never saw this for her. He never saw her counting away the hours in her own man-made tower. It reminded him of a story he had heard when he was a child. The princess in the tower who was rescued by her knight in shining armour? Stories, he thought to himself ...he really should ban them.

He pulled up the one chair across the room from her and away from her glare. She eventually dismissed her steward and it was just the two of them and her hateful stabbing eyes. They were still that wondrous shade of blue full of disbelief and unanswerable questions, still able to reflect his betrayal back at her.

More hate.

Four years and it was still…this. How much must you love someone to feel this much hate towards them? _Stay Strong Alistair, _he reminded himself _toughen up; you made a decision now deal with it. Why cant she? Its been four years…. four slow, lonely miserable dark years…painted smiles and lost letters…_

" Fifty-two successful joinings and a legion to be posted in Orzammer." She spoke jilting him from his daydream of guilt. She was calmer but yet cold, distant.

"Fifty-two? Maker! That's a healthy start" _sod the joinings_, he thought. _Look at me without wanting to kill me_.

" Indeed" she replied with a hint of Magniloquence in her tone.

His eyes wondered to a sculpted thigh peeking out of her robe and snapped abruptly back again once she noticed.

Silence.

_By Andraste she is stubborn_, he thought. She always stood her ground and always seemed lucky enough to be right almost all of the time, encouraging others to carry on for what they believe. Until now he had admired that quality and tried to stamp it into himself as a good sign of leadership, but now he saw just stubbornness. She had made the monster he had been unhappy to play for the screaming crowds these last four years.

When he had returned to her after the death of the Arch-Demon and told her that he was not going to be joining her to rebuild the wardens and start the life they had always planned because he had decided that it would be best for Ferelden if he became king, she declared him dead to her. And here she was still not giving an inch.

At least she didn't have the chance to decline him an audience. She was well within her rights as Warden Commander to do so but the thought of explaining that one to her declining fans at court worried him. Her refusal to comply with any demands or requests was rapidly placing her as a threat, although Alistair thought the idea hilarious. She placed herself behind the worn writing desk and Alistair moved over to stand in front, so this was the new tactic? Official stance it is then. With a push Alistair took a deep breath before, once again, he was made to play the king when he didn't want to.

He did find it somewhat easier now; he was more knowledgeable and strict in his role as King. He oversaw all decisions and reports. He took pride in a united and safe Ferelden but that meant nothing without her there to appraise and hold him, reassure him when he had doubt. He was drowning in advisors and other men whose titles and job descriptions meant nothing to him. He did not want any of them or the solid band of _'yes men' _that casually arrived at court to dip their daughters in front of him just in case he took a shine to any of them. He called this particular breed of noble the '_Daughter Shepard_'.

He knew he was running out of time before he had to take a wife. _Perhaps this is why I am really here? _There you go…he thought it. He had tried so hard to push that thought to the back of his mind to be lost amongst all the other junk he stored there from time to time. He wanted this visit to stay official, keep those feelings and emotions locked down. He thought of anything he could to get a conversation going.

"You mentioned Orzammer? This is a good idea; we always said they needed the support. I shall speak honestly when I say I don't envy the men who take that short straw" he shuddered at the thought of the closed-in city of Dwarves

"All Volunteers. It has become our front line, sire"

Ouch, there was that title again…

"Ten men…" She continued fully aware of her verbal stinger yet her face became blank, distant and resigned as she went on "…and myself"

Horror. Alistair, King of Ferelden felt pure horror. He had not had nightmares as bad as they should be for any Grey Warden to even mutter they were to go there, so what was she thinking? She was not looking at him any longer but mindlessly shuffling random bits of paper on her desk

"As of tonight I have resigned my position as Warden Commander and will take my place with the Legion in the Deep Roads."

Breathing, all of a sudden became the hardest thing in the world.


	3. Anger

A/N: A huge thank you to all who follow or review and especially Eva who has helped me when I definitely needed it! I hope I do not disappoint you all as I continue. Thank You.

CHAPTER THREE - ANGER

Nothing Alistair had to say would change her mind, it would just make her more willing to do it. He knew that so why was he wasting his time?

"Elissa, I forbid you to go"

She grunted her amusement at his petty attempt. She didn't expect much from this man in front of her but she wondered who actually wore the trousers in his court. Pathetic images of him suddenly occurred to her.

"Don't smirk at me, listen to me. I know things haven't been, are not…" he looked like he was struggling to find the right words. Not the words that would make things worse but the right ones that could calm her. Sweat started to form on his brow and he manically tried to speak. This infuriated her. Anything he had to say would lack meaning if he couldn't just say it.

Staged words…he had rotted on that throne.

"…Good between us. I did something terrible to you and unforgivable, I get that but this, this is not the answer"

"Majesty, you yourself told me that when a wardens nightmares get so bad they know that the time has come and they would leave for the deep roads. You were not very specific about the contents of the nightmares." She was pleased with her answer and saw the effects they had on Alistair. He became enraged and grabbed the rocking chair behind him hurling it across the room and into the back of the door.

"BY THE MAKER, ELISSA! ITS ALISTAIR!" he erupted before her eyes and she saw briefly the passion that was missing from the grey man who was intruding in her chambers. He used to be so full of colour and justice now he just sat in his rich palace eating cheese and shagging maids. I bet he is just upset that his favourite slippers were left behind. _He will calm down in a minute and bugger of back to them_, she thought, _stay strong just a little longer_.

She watched him as he struggled to calm himself "My name is Alistair" he repeated, a calming mantra in his words. For him, of course Elissa had no intentions of calming down. She was just getting started.

"I think not" she replied watching him closely as he snapped his head around at her words. "Excuse me?" he said wondering where this new line of verbal torture was going? He was becoming frustrated once more and she could feel his restraint ebbing away. Good, maybe then he will stop being such a puppet and grow a pair. He was even starting to pick the rocking chair debris up as he soothed himself. _Stop it_! Her hatred of him knew no bounds and as he tried valiantly to fight against her baiting, he was losing the fight and she could see it, this only made her will to break him stronger.

"I knew Alistair, you? I am not sure who you are. Now if you do not mind I have arrangements to make"

She felt herself begin to waver as he ignored her and continued to pick up the final pieces of the chair. _Get out! Get out! Just a little longer, stay strong woman...don't cry!_

"You're being ridiculous Elissa. You are not going anywhere. You are needed…" desperate man, she thought "…you are needed here!" he finally stuttered out as he stood straight again his composure restored vexing her more.

"I have done all I can here and the danger is where I am headed so do not lay that at my feet. Read the report I'll send to you in a week, you will see. You will be nice and safe in Denerim don't worry, I find it more difficult then some to let others down"

_Damn it a tear; go back up, not yet!_

"What are you doing here anyway?" she continued, she was on a particularly mean roll. Her anger at her lapse of emotion in front of him guided her to where she wasn't sure she wanted to go, but go she did anyway " Errand boy on your job description now? Your lap dogs downstairs are here for reports so why are you really here? Was it to get a good look if the rumours of just how pitiful my existence is, are true? Are you now satisfied that I'm a total miserable wreck? Get a good look? Or maybe, maybe you're a little frustrated that I'm still ambling along eh? Still alive and a thorn in your precious courts side?"

"Elissa, no…never, how could you even…"

"Here to finish off the job, are we?"

She manically ran to where her rackety bed stood and dived underneath. She hunched back on her heels and brought an old iron chest along with her. She ripped at the lock and furiously tossed the old lid back. She drew a small dagger from its sheath and wiped the blade on her robe as she flashed back around, tears now streaming down her face. The mud and road dirt from her long journey now mixed with the salty water that tried to wash it away. Her now pale, dirty and angry face showed how her heart was trying its hardest to keep beating. It just wanted to disintegrate and wither away. Hanging on by a lose thread all these years had damaged it and no magic in the world could patch it up anymore. The Deep roads called to her even louder, enticing her with peace, sleep and an eternal end to her pain.

"There take it…do it!" she thrust the dagger into Alistair's now trembling hand. As she touched his skin she was jolted with more unwelcome happy memories. The memories that this tyrant before her had thoughtlessly ripped away and torn into shreds because of his need for personal growth, riches and power. She hated him, loved him…no…. no…she didn't anymore, she couldn't. She ripped back her robes and bared her chest to him bringing up the hand that held the dagger and pointing its tip over where her heart used to live, the blade drew a trickle of blood and Alistair let out a horrified gasp, his eyes now reddened and wet, staring as the blood travelled down. She felt his resistance under her firm grasp but she held on tighter to his hand.

"Stop it Liss, Please…" he whispered his pleading words to her and she began to crumble.

"DO IT COWARD!" she yelled at him her voice strained with holding back the tears too long. The lump that had grown in her throat released itself as her fury poured out.

"Cut out my heart and stick it in the trophy counter with all your other triumphs. Cailan's helm, got what you wanted there didn't you? Duncan's shield, I am sure he would be so proud of you. Perhaps a bouquet of constantly stocked shitty roses, one for each of the schmucks who fell for them? And finally the piece you will all be laughing over, my heart, broken black and useless. Go ahead, it wont hurt me, it doesn't even beat anymore…its this or the deep roads, you chose mighty king of sodding Ferelden…DO IT!"

She looked deep into his eyes and saw the horror reflect back at her. What was she doing? This wasn't who she was. It was what he had made.

_Not like this Elissa_.

She calmed herself and looked back at him. He was afraid, ashamed and unsure what to do. Her own rage disappeared as quickly as it had come only to be replaced with realisation and relief, she truly was ready.

Alistair looked straight at her and into her eyes. As she stared back at him she saw a single tear journey down from his eye and along his cheek. He blinked slowly and shook his head downwards as he continued to weep. She released the grip she had on his hand and stepped backwards as the dagger dropped from his hands and onto the floor.

His trembling hand reached slowly out for her cheek as he wept silently, she pulled back and he tried to open his mouth to speak but words would not come. His body crouched over and she turned her own head towards the one window in the pitiful room she called home. Her breathing became jagged and rusted. As she reached the window ledge she gripped tightly on to it and released the latch that held the window closed. The winter night rushed in and blew the papers on her desk far into the corners of the room. Her robe bellowed behind her now as she heard the faint dying sounds of revelry coming to a close. Water furiously flushed from her eyes as her silent stare gazed across the Highever valleys in the distance. The view rocked her body with reassurance as her knees finally buckled whilst the door opened and closed behind her.

"Yes, go…no-one needs you here" she muttered to herself with a shiver as she realised that for the first time in four years, she had just lied to herself.


	4. Beginnings

A/N: _because the last chapter was so fuelled anything that would try and follow would seem slow so apologies. Clangers and tid-bits are galore in chapter four! But thanks once again for all the reviews and pointers; it helps me do this better. __J I also want to say a HUGE sorry to anyone who may have tried to read it or got sent multiple emails about this chapter's release. I was having some difficulty with page breaks. SORRY!_

CHAPTER FOUR - BEGINNINGS

_Elissa drink and trust me  
_

_Forget..._

_This will hurt but you are stronger than you think...  
_

_Hold still _

_Sleep_

_Forget_

**"Warden…come on woman…wakey wakey…there you go!"**

Elissa awoke and found herself wrapped up in a rug on the floor with the heat of a new fire crackling away beside her in the fireplace and her face dripping with cold basin water. A feint growl in her ears became louder as her head began to work.

"Morning sleepy Breeches. Had quite a little soirée here didn't 'ya? Always was a feisty one"

She cracked her neck whilst trying to get her eyes into focus. The first thought to enter her head was absurd yet she tested the waters anyway "Oghren?"

"Who else? Get your ass in gear girly, if you wanna leave without a fuss I suggest we leave five minutes ago. There is a small council of not to happy Warden type people pacing about outside. Well when I say council I mean one bloke with the same look a scared Mudsplasher has on his face"

"Leave? Go where…wait what are you doing here?"

"Orzammer you fool…now up. Pull yourself together and shake yourself down. Your man outside has all your gear, wouldn't give it to me so I sat him on a stool outside and told him to bring up a keg and I would bring you around. Got to tell you lady, the way that boy ran out of here woooooo…like death herself was whipping him on"

"The Mudsplasher?" she said as she rubbed her head slowly. It felt heavy and tender.

"Alistair!"

A loud belch echoed around the small room breaking the tension that name was about to bring.

"Maker, Oghren…are you drunk? And how did you know about Orzammer? And I repeat, what by Andraste are you doing here?"

Oghren looked at her and felt no answer would be a good one so continued to pile the remainders of the rocking chair onto the fire.

"Spit it out you disgrace of a Kondrat." She said toying with her mouth to get rid of an awful taste of what felt like sand and tar.

"Well, I arrived with your boy kings band. So, I take it the mess I just cleared up wasn't from long overdue make-up sex, warden?" he huffed in amusement as he started to stamp the fire out with his heavily plated boots. He didn't need to look to see what her face was doing, he shrugged and grunted as she was clearly not making this as much fun as it should be "Well the short of it was that I was off to the mages tower to pick up an overdue stray and take it home. I came across 'old blusher' along the Banns Cross and he suggested a trip to you would be advantageous, I think he meant your beer cellars. Needless to say that after he arrived that night everyone in the castle and their dog knew about your Deep Roads death wish. So like I said, if you wanna leave without any sodding fuss…move 'ya arse"

"Wait…that night?" her senses were getting a grip finally as the odd statement caught her ears.

"Yep…that was two nights ago. You have been asleep for two days you lazy scoundrel. Your Steward tried to wake you but when we saw no signs of anything but exhaustion I suggested we leave you where you felt comfortable…the floor" His bellow of a laugh hit every wall and bounced back onto another. It rang out so loud that Elissa winced and considered vomiting. She didn't remember drinking but she felt like she had drunk her weight in mead.

She gave herself a moment to take the last five minutes in as she stood and held her robe to her closely. She looked down at the dirt still embedded in her fingernails and grimaced; she hadn't even made it to the bath. She remembered watching the king's party leave in a rush just after Alistair slid out of the room last night, and then…. nothing.

Oghren pulled his belt up and took a deep breath. He seemed to be pleased with himself and had the beam of a housewife on his cheeks after waking the children and packing them off for schooling. She smiled at the comparison and her face hurt. It literally hurt to laugh. What on earth did she do to herself last night? She walked over to where she had left the under-chest the previous night and rooted around for a mirror. She gave her face a good look and noticed several small bruises around the cheeks and mouth. She didn't remember anything that would explain that. She did remember the whole dagger incident but when she searched her chest for any damage she was surprised to see none, she could have sworn it drew blood. Oghren broke her concentration with an even larger burp, to which her frown spoke volumes.

"Right, I'll be outside. You make sure you are too in five minutes. I have all we need. Oh and Elissa…" He held himself straight and cocked his head to an angle so that he could get a good look at her eyes "…I shall ask you once and then never again. Are you sure this is what you want?"

She nodded and immediately ushered with her head for him to get lost. He closed the door and she felt herself let go of everything with a large sigh. Two days? She wondered, I was…must have been more tired than I thought…Alistair.

The ache in her heart suddenly returned.

"SHES ALIVE!" she heard Oghren shout in mock jubilation as he shut the door.

**U:U:U:U:U:U:U:**

" I am sorry, but I just don't understand. Orzammer needs you? Give me an hour and I will accompany you Commander. Please don't steal away like this."

"I am not your Commander anymore Nerith." Elissa tossed a clean-fleeced blanket over her mount and returned to the stables for her saddle.

Nerith was not listening. He toyed with the several envelopes Elissa had just given him. One for each Grey Warden big wig that would no doubt, demand an explanation.

Nerith was her newly appointed second in command and not to happy about stepping up or her leaving Highever. " I would just like to know when this decision was made. Does it have anything to do with Alistair Theirin being here? Because you know they have no input into Warden affairs. Elissa…" he suddenly gasped and his face filled with pure horror, for a moment she thought something terrible may actually occur from her actions "…what will Weisshaupt say? Elissa the First Warden will be furious." She no longer worried.

She could literally see the man go white, well whiter than normal. He was a tremendous warrior but amazingly timid when it came to sticking to rules and the consequences. He was a devout and religious man for fear the maker would turn up at his door and punish him for forgetting a chant or dedication. She once had to turn a patrol of men around and head for the nearest chantry so that he could finish his absolutions correctly.

"I…I just don't see the sense in any of this. Your men will not take this well; they will never take orders from anyone other than you…they think I'm weak and scared compared to you. Oh my, speeches I will have to make speeches, rallying calls…Oh, please don't go."

She stopped as she did the final buckle on her saddle. She took a deep breath and turned to Nerith with a warm smile. She liked Nerith and had picked him from the others that morning to be her second. Some had thought it a joke as he was not leadership material but something in him on the battlefield was calm, calculating and courageous, more than she has seen in any of the others. He would lay down his life for anyone who could do the job better than him and in some ways this was his curse as well as his gift. But this was his journey now and his adventure. She wanted to make him see how this would be good for him and how it had made her the person she was today.

"LETS MOVE IT, WARDEN!" Oghren bellowed from the gates "TELL THE NUG TO PUT HIS HANDS DOWN HIS BREECHES AND FIND HIS ROCKS…WE ARE LOSING DAYLIGHT!"

Nerith blushed and Elissa held back a wish to laugh. Oghren never had timing or patience, it seemed she wasn't the only one who wanted to get it over with.

"Nerith, if you have never listened to anything I have ever said to you before…"

"I have listened to…"

"Nerith it's a saying." She rested her hand on his sinking and now embarrassed shoulder. Nerith was not the first man she had met who had been raised by the Chantry and was not surprised at Nerith's interruption.

"Oh…"

"If you have never listened to anything I have ever said to you before, than heed these words instead. Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. Plus…"

She hooked one leg on to a stirrup and hoisted her weight up until she sat comfortably on her horse. She gripped the reins and tugged them readying her mount to prepare for movement. "Plus…a replacement will be here within seven days and Arlan will be staying on as your advisor" She watched as his face lit up with huge relief.

She reared her horse around and made a final salute. A small stabbing pain gathered in her heart as she took one final glance at her childhood home and the Wardens she had recruited, trained and brought through the joining.

"Goodbye my brothers…until the maker brings us together again" she whispered to herself then with a final push she remembered the true Highever, _Goodbye for now to you to mother, father and brother. I shall see thee soon enough. _

She sat up in her saddle and shouted back at Nerith over her shoulder as she trotted off and away through the gates

"Farewell Nerith of the Grey. In war may you find victory, in peace vigilance and in death…sacrifice."

"And you Commander" he shouted back but she was already gone.

**U:U:U:U:U:U:U:**

Up on a distant hill top a hooded figure materialised from the low winter clouds and planted its staff into the ground beside them. As the form crouched down wrapping its cloak tighter against the chilling wind a large black crow landed on the staffs tip. Two pairs of keen eyes now watched as the dwarf and the female human left the confines of Highever.

"Ride forward Elissa Cousland and we shall meet soon, you will hear my words as I spoke to thee the night eve. Remember when all is dark and the webbings of my wilds protect thee, sister…I shall return." The shadow shook its staff lightly and with silent understanding the crow cawed loudly whilst leaping into the sky and away atop the two travellers on their way to Orzammer.

The hooded figure retreated back into its clouded shadow, for now. Waiting for nightfall to descend upon Ferelden and Elissa Cousland.


	5. Anew

A/N: Thank you for helping me and the characters reach chapter 5, Hope you enjoy

CHAPTER 5 - ANEW

It felt good to be on the road again. Oghren made a somewhat more silent change in company due to the fact that half the time he was asleep on his mount but it gave her time to contemplate the events of what had turned out to be a strange and emotional turn of events. It was good to ride without the beat of a solemn drum pushing you on and the random ranted blessing of the Chantry smoking you out of any peace you may be lucky enough to find as they waved their censers up and down around your horse or nose. She finally felt she could breathe more soundly and she took the chance to think about the events of the past few days.

First there was the oncoming Dark Spawn horde getting ready to pile out of the deep roads and onto topsoil. She would do anything that she could to delay them as long as she could, but no longer as a Grey Warden.

She found that her plan for peace, as she called it, was slowly starting to feel wrong. Brief pangs of guilt at leaving the order that literally saved her life seeped in but she no longer felt she could do what they asked of her. The truth is that the mission they had just returned from had been one of realisation. On a number of occasions she left it late to draw her weapons from their sheaths. She wasn't sure she wanted to. How easy would it be to just have it finish now? All this thinking, sadness and feeling of heavy darkness that multiplied by the day around her withering heart would be gone. The intense feeling of belonging to her own death seemed to grope at her soul at every quiet moment and that was where Orzammer was welcomed. But as the minutes riding silently across this beautiful winter-stroked land, ticked by she realised that there was a slight chance things could change. She suddenly felt like a coward and she gripped the reins tighter pushing her steed on.

She had not abandoned them, she told herself. She had given instructions to Weisshaupt in what needed to be done and when. It was the final declaration of her title that she planned the defensive strategy from Highever itself. She was taking over the small legion of men who volunteered to stay the Dark Spawn at their roots. They would not hold for long, but long enough to equip and prepare Ferelden better than four years ago. She was not taking the easy way out and she had no intention of going without a fight, but sooner or later there would be no healer standing to heal her and she was prepared for this. She welcomed it.

And that led her train of thought nicely on to Alistair.

She cringed and screwed her eyes tight together as if that would help remove the onslaught of images and memories his name always conjured up. Why had he been at Highever? She couldn't shake the feeling she had when she had heard his voice, the shortening of her name that only he did. She would often remind him that if her mother had ever heard him shortening her name, she would be furious, as she had gone to a lot of trouble picking a name that couldn't be clipped down and _he_ would remind her that 'Elissa' was easy to shorten.

She remembered the flash of images that his voice conjured up and she cursed him under her breath. The hardening of her heart started to shrivel up again, clutching desperately onto the misery that it had become. She felt the vile and venom for him creep up from her stomach but she felt like she was fighting it this time. She thought of him and for a moment all sounds of the world left her and she was left with one single image of him.

_DAMN HIM_ she silently raged, it would have been simple and clean if he had just not been there at all. She was finally doing what she needed to do and cutting herself off from everyone who was left in her life was the hardest step of that plan.

She intended to just drop her things off, re-stock bathe and leave. She didn't want to get into any deep soul searching and verbal exfoliations. She shook off the illogical thinking behind him being there as a sign, yet she had to admit she felt somewhat lighter since that night. She even felt some remorse at her actions. She had caught herself thinking about apologies and explanations but then the events of his betrayal swirled around her thoughts once more, clinging on to the roots and turning them black.

"_Its best, Liss…For Ferelden…Its not what I want that matters anymore, surely you see that?"_

She hated to admit it but that memory echoed through her mind more than any other and this had made her a bitter and cold woman.

She was not the only one to have changed, he had too she thought. His lack of answers was not unusual but it was usually _him_ that berated _her_ when he felt he disagreed with a decision or chosen path, he never had any trouble holding back before. He had never heard her talk with such venom or speak with her twisted heart in her mouth. He would always rely on her to be in control and solid…not deranged, suicidal or vicious. Last night he just couldn't answer any of the accusations she placed at his feet, he had no answer that could have possibly appeased her but he stayed and took it all and then some...and then there was the dagger incident…she shuddered when she recalled all the events of that night as she also realised; it was Duncan's dagger. She could have slapped herself.

_Oh Elissa, be safe in the knowledge that you will now be remembered as such a witch._

Why did she care how it must have felt to him now? The horror she saw in his eyes as he wept before he left, reaching out for her refused cheek… his soft touch used to make all the pain fade away. Maybe she should have let him? Why was she allowing herself to think like this again, it only left her with more aching and tears, she must stop!

The one thing that had kept her warm, safe and strong over these last four years was her hatred and she relied on it to keep her breathing. Whenever she felt she couldn't fight on any longer, her hatred would kick in and make her slash down everything that stood before her. She wanted to retreat back to her safe haven but she couldn't explain how it seemed to be missing somehow, she was frightened that along with that her will to see this all through would recede also. She shook her head in defiance and took the fresh white air clear in through her lungs.

She could hear Oghren snuffle and grunt ahead of her waking himself up from an unplanned nap, wobbling on his saddle as he remembered he wasn't in a bed but on a horse.

She couldn't help but smile at the spectacle in front of her but her thoughts soon returned to brooding on her lack of seething hatred. Maybe, maybe this was because of her decision to go to Orzammer, she thought on. Maybe this was closure for the tightly knotted and shameful feelings of self-loathing and pity? Was this the freedom that she was so certain she would feel after making her mind up to travel there? It was starting to make sense and if she was to have any doubt about her journey, it dissapeared. It felt good to be finally free, she could feel the wind around her and it actually made a tingle as it touched her skin, she could feel it, she didn't remember the last time any element had made her feel anything so fresh as it did then.

For so long only two forms of existence had been a part of her life, fighting and eating. If she had got away with being able to fight without eating she would have done that. So cold a life she led, distant and black not letting anyone in or near, trusting no one and helping only herself.

But now, now she was back on the road and it felt good to travel with a purpose she believed in. Of course she had wanted the same end goals as the Grey Wardens she had called family but it was not the same anymore. Her life had turned into one of mindlessly following orders and she no longer cared for it. Things were different back then, all she had to do was break a few skulls so that people would listen and realise they must stop an arch demon.

She admitted to herself long ago that she actually found it fun. Being on the road for Ferelden's salvation with a small and unlikely band of like-minded warriors that vastly became like kin. The moments they all shared, quick-witted replies, exchanging trusting stories and getting to know new lands and how others lives were not that different from her. And, of course, perfect nights together under the stars.

_" That one there, is Brina. The Elves say she watches over all the Halla in the land and Shepard's them safely each night. And that star there, the one up there that shines the brightest, is the most beautiful star in all existence. The god that protects that star does so with his very existence and is by far the most revered. It's my favourite star you know. I always know that if I can see it I'm safe and no harm will come to me." He looked at the sky as if it was alive._

_"That's a powerful star indeed, Alistair. It a dangerous thing to have floating out there on its own, mixing with the other stars" She mocked as he turned to her and gazed in her eyes the same way he did the night sky above_

_"Ah, yes but the one who watches over her, watches her well, loving her and keeping her safe, she shines only for him…and he wants to keep it that way" he leaned over and kissed her deeply cupping his strong splintered hands behind her head summoning her closer and holding her tightly to him._

_"I want you Elissa…and I will for all time. Here, this exact spot will be where I build a home for us with my own clumsy hands." Elissa pulled away from him and tumbled backwards bursting with laughter "Just you see, Cousland, just you see" he smiled as he followed her down to the ground for more kisses._

He was everything she dreamt of as a young girl, everything she wanted for herself in life. It had taken her a while to know it but when she finally realised how she felt for Alistair there was no going back. The sneaking glances they would find each other giving as they briefly met each others eyes, the accidental touching of hands or preference to bed-roll layouts and what things made the other smile the way they went weak at the knees for.

The brief times they were apart they slowly became withdrawn and full of longing for the other and they would both take separate watches so that they could find things that held the same earthly scent as the other.

When they did defy their restraints and finally allow real touching and talking they released their inner most feelings and secrets to each other. Alistair unburdened his feelings on Duncan and his upbringing to her and revelled in her warmth and encouraging answers. She would tell him of her family and her childhood and he would bring her to him and hold her until she awoke, wiping away each tear with the back of his warm and caring hands. Together they found that they were slipping away from the others and building a separate world of their own to do what they really wanted to do. He longed to touch her and please her in ways that would make her his forever and she wanted to feel his warmth all over her night after night.

He would protect her and worry if he couldn't see her, insisting that he be by her side at all hours of the day, he would feel harsh jealousy if another man saddled next to her or looked in her general direction.

To her it was always Elissa and Alistair, never changing sides or places. The others would stay at camp or accompany them but it was always them together. Leading the charge at whatever Ferelden threw at them.

They would both pale and cower away if ever they thought of a life without each other and by the time the decision needed to be made at the landsmeet, he had begged her not to split them apart. If he were to become king then she would be his queen. This sounded fine at first until the nobles realised an heir would never be brought into the Theirin line. It would die with Alistair and after the then warring nobility, this could never happen. So they shrugged and declined. Let the nobles do it. Let them have the burden, we will simply defend Ferelden with our dying breath…together.

How could it have changed so quickly? She couldn't believe that same man who named stars after her and talked of what their house would look like could be the same man who tossed their, her, dreams away with a single title offer? What had they offered him that could have been better?

Enough Elissa, she demanded to herself she was desperate to not have those old black feelings return. She realised that her insides had started to boil and her mind was becoming clogged with emotions again. More tears threatened to stray and betray her. But she let it linger a little longer just so that she knew why she was going to meet her true destiny at the end of a particularly nasty tunnel in the deep roads of Orzammer. The destiny she was obviously always meant to really have.

She looked up from her melancholy when she heard tiny voices and the clank of a distant smithies anvil and realised they had trotted into a small village, she looked around for Oghren to see if she had followed him there and was slightly relived to see him struggling to get off his huge mount, much to the amusement of two drunken merchants.

Chickens clucked around her horse's hooves and a small boy held out his hand to her offering his services as horse watcher for a few small coins. She smiled as she dismounted and reached into her purse.

"This horse here is a Highever Grey, do you know what that means?" she asked the small freckled person grinning a toothless smile at her. He had no idea.

"It means that she needs extra special protection, a bed for the night and some fresh apples…can you do that for me. Its worth three gold?"

The small boy gawped at the amount of money and hurriedly bobbed his head in acceptance. She smiled and offered him the reins as she looked around for where Oghren had wandered off. She didn't have to guess for long as she heard the raucous laughter that came from a nearby tavern.

She strutted over to the tavern doors, closing her purse and looking over her shoulder to watch the small lad try and encourage a huge horse to follow him to a nearby orchid. She turned and gave a light whistle to which the horse immediately released its stubborn stance and relaxed in the care of the now grateful scamp that commanded the reigns. The doors behind her opened and the smell of stale beer, stale men and stale cheese wafted out and over her shoulders intertwining with crude songs and women's laughter.

_Oh well_, she thought with a sudden rush of excitement…I have never had the pleasure of getting completely rat arsed. _Now is probably the best time_.

**U:U:U:U:U:U:**

"And so the demon fell, twisting its head to the fade in which we made it call home once more…" she smiled, pleased with her drunken dramatic prose.

It had been several hours since Elissa and Oghren had ventured into the 'Wombled Wagon' of The Village Tannorn.

"Ohhhhhhhh" came a chorus of equally drunken voices. Not understanding as well as their vocal pitches might interpret. " The hero of Ferelden!" they shouted and the wooden mugs would be sloshed together in the air for the nineteenth time that evening. It seemed to be the toast of the day, or one that anyone could still remember. There was one about the three-legged chicken…the milking maid of Orlais and the welcome death of a small unattractive debt collector.

Elissa felt woozy but warm, the ale tasted like rotten cauliflower but it burnt away the webbings of her burdened mind. Why had she never done this before? It felt fantastic nothing else mattered to her at this point in time. She had made several new friends become godmother to three children and spent her purse on brew for the village. Elissa had never drunk more than one mug of ale or mead in any one tavern sitting before today. She always felt that it distracted you from whatever took you that way in the first place. If she was lucky enough to not be in a camp she had stayed in a few taverns or eaten in them but never touching the frothy brew that was mass produced and dished out like dishwater. She now felt that perhaps the occassional tipple wasnt actually that bad, of course that occassional tipple she had allowed herself that afternoon had turned into a beerfest and her head was not used to such a mixure of hops and honey. She looked down at the worn wooden table before her and began counting the Mugs and Tankards of Mead and Ale she had lined up to consume and she did not care how tomorrow would view the decison to have them.

Oghren was having a rather heated discussion with two men that sat either side of him. Elissa noticed that Oghren was the only one who looked unbothered and just held his ale mug in his hands perplexed by the emptiness of it. He was sitting two tables across from her and his nose was the brightest red, she wanted to reach over and squeeze it. She perhaps may have done that if a fist hadn't reached it before her. As Oghren fell backwards his stumpy legs plummeted into the air and Elissa burst out laughing.

"You come into our village, our tavern? drink your weight and insult our women? I shall show you cave dwellers what we do to shite housed Dwarves in our lands"

A huge peasant loomed over the still form of Oghren he fists balled into hammers by his side and spit etched out of his mouth as his own words rallied him up for a fight he would lose. He nodded to his friend, a burly red headed creature who joined his comrade in shouting expletives at a fallen dwarf. This nicked at Elissa and she tried to stand. Maker, her feet felt like lead and her head like a cotton field. She laughed as she swallowed down the remnants of a particularly lethal mix of mead and clapped with excitement as the people around her doubled before her eyes. There was now two of everyone, what magic is this mead? She asked herself…I must have some more. All these years she had thought Oghren silly to depend most of his waking days on this beverage but now she understood fully…he must miss his Branka so much. She pursed her lips together in a mooing motion and pouted a drunken term of sympathy towards her sour friend. She clambered over the people who sat beside her burping apologies to those she stood on.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, friend" she slurred as she tried in vain to pull her daggers from her back holdall.

The pair looked at her and then at each other. They turned back to her and threw their heads back with laughter. "Oh…is that right? You even know how to use one of those girly? Big pointy bad things they are…wouldn't want to break a nail my sweet" they continued to laugh as the crowd behind them started to disperse. Obviously the two men had no clue as to whom they were talking, but the patrons did and they were not going to stand around to see it. Elissa also wondered as she turned clumsily around

"Heyyyyy where you all going?" she belched and rushed her fingers to her mouth. Her cheeks blushed and she giggled like an embarrassed maiden with two gleaming daggers hanging from her paws. She took a few more steps closer to the two "where's the music gone?" she randomly asked?

"Right here my lady" the oaf answered with a filthy laugh adjoined to it.

There had been no music.

"Now, I believe you will apologise to my friend or this will get **HIC** ugly" She tossed her daggers to the side and brought her fists up in a jockeying stance. "Lets settle this the old fashioned way shall we?" The two men now stood in complete stunned silence. What was this woman thinking, she was inebriated beyond belief and now challenged them like a male. She was a disgrace...but, maker stunning. One of the men patted to his lap as he approached her " Come on now, love...why don't you calm down and come pour me a drink. We can cuddle up and forget about this nasty business eh and I will show you how to use my sword, eh?" The other man guffawed a lewd and knowing sound and rubbed at his tummy whilst licking his lips. He was obviously up for a bit of cuddling and sword fighting too.

"You don't want to hurt us now my little minx do you?" they patronised her further as she dropped her fists. " Oh I wont hurt you…" she said wiping the back of her mouth with her hand wondering why no one was standing still. The world seemed to sway before her and she felt queasy. "…He will though." She managed to utter as the two men turned to see whom she was talking about. Oghren stood behind them with two wooden tankards. He swung them directly into their groins and howled with jubilant satisfaction and victory as they came slowly crashing down to the floor, rolled up in individual balls of pain. Not wanting to leave it there quite yet he brought the heel of his boot down into the stomach of one man whilst the other tried to get up onto his knees. Elissa brought her own boot up to his stomach and he redoubled back in pain wincing on the floor beside his mate.

"Far from me to leave when it starts to get interesting, woman, but it seems I would rather have you save this for the deep roads then a grimy back alley dump like this…I think we better leave, warden" Oghren grunted as he grabbed his companions daggers from the floor and then the giggling mess that was Elissa by the waving elbow and lead her to the door. He flung the wooden door open and as they stepped out they were faced with four more of the towns folk who were not too particularly pleased to see their kinsmen doubled over in pain inside the tavern.

"By the ancestors, I would normally love to enjoy the hospitality you have brought me this evening and under normal circumstances I would take you up on a good old fashioned tavern brawl…but…I have previous engagements fella's so if you wouldn't mind" Said Oghren as he let go of Elissa's elbow. The growing crowd showed no signs of backing down and as four quickly became ten Oghren smiled brightly and growled at his companion. "Well far be it from me to disappoint you all. Gear up missy and hold that mead in a little longer. We have one last dance to take care of…"

Elissa's natural instinct kicked in and she gripped the daggers tightly as if someone was about to steal them. She toppled over a log and luckily swiped the knee of her oncoming assailant, crippling him out of the fight. She laughed at the silly sight of all. People were waving swords about and dancing, she made a mental note on how wondrous taverns were!

She heard a loud swoosh and a nick of the ear brought trickles of blood as she saw a freshly laid arrow in the hay beside her. She stood up rather perplexed and wobbled about as she hunted the owner of the arrow. "Now that was just rude, young lady! You could have had someone eye out with that!" she said as she placed her hands on her hips "Maker, I sound like my Nana!" she guffawed whilst still managing to expertly hurl a dagger directly into the reloading archer on the other side of the courtyard they now found themselves in. The small square began to hum and spin.

"Next?" she laughed out as another sword aimed for her left side, she instantly stepped forward and turned on her heel, catching the long sword in its lunge. Bringing her one dagger around she drove it into the back of the assailant. As he fell to the floor she placed her boot on his now dead back and tugged with all her drunken might to retrieve her one remaining weapon. She found her legs give way as she resisted the urge to release the nights drinking all over the floor. Oghren was finishing up behind her and as she thought of having a nap she felt a slight gust of wind that alerted her to a presence at her rear. She turned around to see a small rogue approaching her with daggers drawn, a smile on his face that seemed to turn into a grimace as blood started to trickle from the corners of his mouth.

The owner of the looming daggers in front of her was all poised and ready to strike but had suddenly gone perfectly still. He then slowly fell to his knees as a shining blade protruded though his stomach and then back out again. Elissa found this hilarious, as she didn't have to move now; she had found a lovely place in which she wanted to lie down. She held on to her stomach and then placed her hands on to her knees panting and trying to keep the contents of her stomach in. She reached down to the wobbling floor with her hands trying to hold it still and lowered her knees down slowly, all the time laughing at how ridiculous this all was. She collapsed and rolled over as a blurred figure pulled his sword from the fallen rogue and stood over her cleaning off his sword on his cloak. She squinted her eyes and tried to focus them.

"oooooh I know someone who looks like you, he is as handsome as you but he is a villain!" she laughed as she wagged her finger at the stranger above her, she suddenly turned green. She lifted her head and it all came out, gushing lumps of green, yellow and orange all over the boots of the perfectly timed stranger "oooh is that carrot? I haven't had any of those" she said before collapsing unconscious in a sodden mess on the gravelled floor.

"By the Maker, Oghren…when I said delay her, I didn't mean take her on a pub crawl" said Alistair, shaking off the freshly churned vomit from his boot.


	6. Truth

_A/N sorry it took a while for a chapter update but I've been letting an awful migraine disappear. I hope it picks up and lets try to answer some questions shall we_?

**CHAPTER 6 - TRUTH**

Elissa ran her hands hesitantly up and down her body as it glistened.

She traced every step of her now smooth and perfect skin. The emotion welled at the base of her throat as she tried in vain to find every scar that had etched itself on to her body, but there were none. No scars, no burns, no evidence of poor make-do healing no reminder that she had lived the last five years at all and the feeling was overwhelming, just smooth and completely pain free skin, she was almost frightened to move in case it crumbled back to the battered one she wore before.

She took a deep breath as she moved her eyes up and away from herself to take in her surroundings. The weight on her chest was gone also, to be able to breathe so easily and without pain added to the regret she felt when she realised she must be in the fade. As quick as the thought had occurred to her she hurriedly gazed upon a new unfolding surroundings, still building and erasing itself round her as though it was trying to be as perfect as her memory would allow. _The Korcari Wilds_ she thought _Why the Korcari Wilds?_

She began to feel warm and snug, a slight cold feeling being replaced with familiarity and safety. A thin layer of armour attached and wrapped itself nicely around her curiosity and body; blossoming into an outfit she remembered all to well. A simple set of blood splattered Splint mail shimmered over her and the bold imprint of a single tear with two crossing spears stood out with bloodied pride. A sad smile touched at her trembling lips as her fingers traced over the small laurel wreaths that lived isolated in the middle, alone and destined to be swallowed up with each slice of a blade that it protected its wearer from.

Her mind gripped at the sadness and twisted it into a need for answers. The clear and untainted air around her disappeared as a sudden growing green mist blackened the sun out as she ran her fingers quickly through the reeds and rushes that were beside her, wanting to see if they even felt the same as she remembered. She became engulfed in the fading memory as it whipped and collapsed around her, she dug her heels into the floor and planted herself squarely set reaching down for her daggers.

_Clever_, _no daggers_ _or weapons eh?_

"Show yourself demon…there will be no bargain so lets get this over with"

Nothing

"I know what you are doing. Word in the news house taverns says I'm a suicidal wreck, right? Plum for the soul draining picking eh?"

Still nothing

"Uncharacteristically quiet I see…"

Her eyes began to protectively dash lightly left and then right but there was no movement or even sound. Nothing. She prodded on further turning her body slightly as she went.

"…Come now, don't be shy"

"Shy? Hardly shy, things take time, Warden" A voice drifted out of the mist and around her senses, warming them with familiarity.

"Morrigan? Nice try demon…I would have gone with my mother myself but I compliment you on originality, bold move."

"It truly is I. And I don't have time for your witty and pointless collection of banter. The annoying red head story maker is trying to rouse you but Jarin is holding her back, listen well Elissa…"

"Oooooh I think not" she guffawed back now no longer impressed with the vision before her. Her build and manner relaxed as if she was waiting for something more challenging to arrive. The figure before her threw her hands down in a slight fit of frustration.

"You are more like him than you think, it is annoying how so, always with the time wasting need for clarity. The dog had more sense than the pair of you I often wondered why mother bothered at all!"

"Morrigan!" Elissa cried as overwhelming warmth and jubilant feelings spread all over. The verbal insult gave way to her like a password; no demon could be as pointed towards her verbal insult as Morrigan always could. She had not expected to feel so relieved and happy at the sight of her old friend. She had missed her dearly since she had left and wished that she had gone with her more and more with each passing day after the final battle. The only one to speak the truth to her at all times and offer to help and treat the most important thing to her with respect and care even though she hated him. She had offered to save them both…. all for nothing but a little self-gain in the form of a child. She should have had ill feeling towards her old friend, but she did not, she never could. She understood every step Morrigan had ever taken.

"Clever Elissa" she tutted "Now be silent and adhere to my words before it is too late. I have waited for you to sleep for two days and I am bored of your stubborn and annoying refusal to rest. You look tired, sister." Morrigan appraised her with her deep amber eyes and even though she could be as hard as stone she had always managed to peel away a few layers for Elissa. They had become firm and best friends as they travelled together. Elissa had become a companion for Morrigan's concerns and childhood memories that had moulded her into what everyone saw as a heartless shrew and in return Morrigan watched over her as she slept and beside her in battle. When she had finally broken the news to Elissa of her real intentions, she didn't see disappointment in her eyes but gratitude. She trusted this woman with the love of her life and in return she would save her friend, her sister. The feeling of protection had remained as strong as ever.

Elissa reached out for her and Morrigan held firm.

"We will have time soon but for now, Elissa, there is something you must know or you face danger…"

ELISSA

A strange and distant voice was breaking through, calling her name reassuringly.

"Damn that annoying Orlesian accent doesn't get any better does it? Jarin cannot hold it any longer…Elissa, Listen you will not be able to feel them...it is…"

_ELISSA…ELISSA…WAKE…._

The fade disappeared as if someone had pulled a plug. Morrigan seeped away with it and a bright light now replaced it, blinding her now open eyes, stinging them into submission. The sound of heavy rainfall bashed against a nearby window and a short redheaded figure eclipsed the sunlight as she bent over her.

"Leliana?" She was waking faster now and found that she was also naked under the blankets that were hugging her cold form. The bed she now found herself in was the most comfortable she had been in for a long time. Her own in Highever consisted of a straw racking over a timber frame. A mattress hugged at her back and soothed away the aches that returned to her body with each eye blink of recognition. A sudden and tremendous pain shot through her head hugging on to her temples and making the bright light hurt even more. Someone had put an angry dwarf in her head and given him an anvil and hammer to bash away at his leisure. Speaking of angry dwarves…

"Where? How? Why am I naked?"

"Shhh Elissa…" Leliana giggled passing her a short jug with a frothing mix inside it. "…Drink…it will help"

Elissa took the jug and sniffed at its contents, pulling back as her nose informed her that she didn't like the smell. Leliana watched her as a mother hen would, waiting for the salty gloop to disappear.

"You are safe now, in Redcliffe."

"Redcliffe? How did I get here?" she rasped as she attempted to drink. She watched Leliana and saw the hesitation on her face before she turned her back on her trying to hide it walking over to a water bowl and returning to place it on the floor next to the bed. Elissa continued to study her face as a range of different thoughts seemed to pass over her and then be dismissed as she begun to wring out a face cloth, _a useful prop_, Elissa thought as it made its way for her brow.

"You were very drunk, Elissa. I thought you didn't drink?" She coughed a little nervously and removed her gaze from Elissa's.

"A scouting party saw you in some sort of trouble with a local militia and thought it best if you were brought here, Oghren is here also in case you were worried."

Small glints of rushed memories weaved back into her banging mind. She remembered a lone figure blocking out of her vision of the dark night sky, looming over her cleaning his sword, he seemed so familar. She shuffled her thoughts and returned back to Leliana, Sudden disappointment taking control.

"Really Leliana…lying to me? Is there no-one left I can trust?" She smacked the face-clothed hand away from her and stood up allowing the bedding to fall away.

"Elissa…" she began to sound desperate as she also rose to her feet "…I don't think I know how to tell you the truth. You have enough anger in you already and I have no wish to add to that!"

"Must you continue to treat me like one of your noble targets? Seducing me with your silver tongue?" Elissa's rage was now back in control and for a moment she was frightened for what she would say. Confrontations like this never came out with a happy ending and her venomous tongue lied better than any bard just so that it could hurt and damage whomever it lashed out at with convenient and twisted versions of the truth. She rounded on Leliana as she ripped back the bedclothes hunting for her belongings. Her host must have put them some place close whilst she slept.

"Well, I give it to you Leliana, you must have been a fabulous assassin. How long have you been a Arl's wife now? You just can't buy that kind of lying political savvy. You need to be able to do it whilst looking in the eyes of the ones you are lying to."

Leliana was stunned, wounded and embarrassed. Elissa had used all her confided secrets against her in one calculating swoop. She had never seen Elissa this way; she had never thought it possible. When all reports got back to her of her whereabouts and well-being she thought the courier a little too dramatic or gossip bound. Never expecting for a moment that the once fair and accepting Cousland could turn into this creature before her. Hell bent on crashing her alliances down and wrecking any friendships she had to in order to be alone. She decided to stay away from court because of the hushed whispers about her marriage to Teagan and now her closest friend was using it to hurt her.

Elissa was now nakedly scavenging around the room for her clothing sending bowls of water and refreshments crashing across the floor. A set of fresh clothing and footwear fluttered to the floor and tumbled into the puddles appearing freshly with each addition of water beneath her.

"So how was the wedding anyway? I am sure you all had a spiffing time?"

"Elissa, we sent an invite and you did not reply…I would never get married without you."

"Yet…you did. Funny that. Another lie. But you know Dark Spawn. Someone had to keep them from uprising again. Would not want anything like innocent blood being spilt or children being impaled on spikes to get in the way of your happy sodding day now would we?"

"ELISSA!"

Leliana covered her gaping mouth and fought the stinging tears back. Elissa's words had ripped apart at her and the surprise was rapidly turning into anger. All the times they stood back to back in battle together seemed to mean nothing to Elissa anymore and the thought of losing a special friendship became too much for her.

"So this is how it will be, yes? You want to know why you are here? Very well. Alistair brought you here!"

"He what?"

"Yes, the silly boy thinks that he can save you by stealing you away. He was convinced that your friends, what are left of them, would make you see. This has gone on long enough, you are free to go but first I will tell you a few home truths and then perhaps you will understand why sometimes I…we, must lie to you."

Elissa watched her as she pulled the wet tunic over her frame. _This should be good_, she thought as she reached down for the trousers that accompanied it.

"Don't waste your time; I'm not interested in more lies and excuses_." _she bit back, dulling down her tone to impress the fact that Leliana was a waste of her time.

The red-head flared into a silentrage and gripped the hems of her pleated robes for courage whilst taking a deep breath, not sure if she should go further with this but deciding to do it anyway. She did not care that it was not her place; this had gone on far too long…

"Alistair chose to rule on the throne alone, Elissa…. because of Fergus!"


	7. Regrets

**CHAPTER 7 – REGRET**

"I will pretend you never said that Leliana Guerrin. I have listened to what you have said and as you stated I am now free to go. If you ever, EVER, blacken my brothers name again so help me I will reign down a furious fire of Grey Wardens upon your Arl to remind you never to speak of a Cousland with such selfish slander again, do I make myself understood, assassin?"

Leliana was now regretting her decision to bring up a past that was not hers. She could not let Elissa go with only have a story. Half a story she had already declared as rubbish and slander. If she didn't push on things would be worse for all involved and Leliana had always declared that Elissa deserved the truth. Alistair would indeed be furious but of the two she knew whom she would rather face down. With an extra push of solid strength she stood firm and strong, jutting her chin out and up defiantly.

"Fer..Fergus made Alistair promise him before he died"

Elissa sighed and turned to face Leliana "I warned you, leave him out of this. It is indeed a new low when your only option to keep me imprisoned here is to blame it on a dead man."

"Elissa…I swear, it is the truth."

Elissa paused, her hands and eyes not knowing what to do with themselves. Things seemed to slot into place and her first instinct bit against her inner rage. Leliana would not lie about...that…would she? A new anger now gathered its rage.

"Four sodding years. Four years you had this so-called information and did not think to once share it with me? If what you say is true, and it isn't, then you let me rot all by myself for four years!"

The small Orlesian sunk inside, her moral high ground slipping away rapidly. She was right. Elissa was completely right. They had all abandoned her for their own troubles. She had found a way to make them at peace with something from their past and when she needed someone to tell her that it really wasn't anything she had done wrong and everything would be alright…they didn't. What reason could she have to not understand Elissa's plight. She felt that she had a huge hand to play in the creation of the stone cold Golem that stood menacingly close to her now, glowering at her with hate and betrayal, daring herself to possibly accept what she was being told.

"By the maker, Elissa. Sit down and we can…"

"NO! It is easy to look upon me with charity now as everyone else has done what they wanted to and are unbelievably self-involved with their placid happiness? What are the tears and silent pleadings of a friend night after night when you have your own happy pitiful love to keep you warm?"

"Elissa…you know he loves you, things have happened and he had to…"

"SILENCE!" she raged "He doesn't know what love means. He bandies it around as though it is easy. Love? Love?" She was beginning to crumble _Come on hate…keep me safe _she urged herself.

"The only love he has is for himself and I was roped in by the whole act. 'I am but a poor stable bastard and nobody wants me…here have a sodding rose' he even made me feel bad about asking him to lay with Morrigan but afterwards I had time to think. He really did not seem too upset about having to mate with another, did he? He must have thought his lucky boat had come in, gullible Elissa letting me get my rocks off with another, eh? I was an idiot!"

"No…you don't understand..." Leliana was losing her edge to explain. Elissa raged on not allowing her to get a word in.

"Oh but I do...I really do, you see I have had so much time to put it all together. After he lay with her and I rid him of his arch demon he climbed up onto that throne and weighed up the options of settling for me or dipping his pen into many different inks! He didn't need me anymore; I just gave him his fill when he couldn't get it anywhere else, a conveniently placed campfire roll about. Well I hope he and whatever whore he takes is eternally happy."

She panted and gripped at her chest, enough of this Elissa! _Why do these people insist on getting me to spell it out at every opportunity _she just wanted to be left alone with her misery and thoughts, why couldn't they understand that? She ran her hands through her hair and took a final look at a clearly dumb-founded Leliana. She thought about parting shots but bit at her lip deciding to make a somewhat dignified and silent exit. If Leliana had any sense she would stay silent.

"Elissa…"

"Oh for Andrastes sake. I don't care...I just don't care. Just leave me alone…" she gave an exaggerated sigh and headed for the door "…I don't want your belated phoney false pretence or sympathy. I know I am cold and I know I am bitter, Maker knows I am also tremendously vicious but just leave me to it will you and ill be gone. Just write a song about that, it will make a pleasant change from all that 'hero of Ferelden' claptrap…Ferelden can be damned"

As she left she grabbed Leliana's own cloak and swept out of the room along the empty corridor bellowing out her final swipe, defiant and loud hoping it carried itself away and to the right ears.

"All of you can be damned…especially your bastard king!"

**U:U:U:U:U:U:U**

The wind and rain continued to wage an elemental war against each other outside the highly placed castle of Redcliffe. The candles were now being lit in each window and the eerie sound of caged wind rattled through the bare bones that made up its corridors.

Arl Teagan wrestled with a particularly stubborn window and when he was satisfied that it was secure ran his hands over his trousers to clean them. He turned on his heels and slowly strode over to the fire, his brain now deep in thought. Alistair had now appeared and was fussing with his clothing across the room from him by the doorway he began to hurriedly remove his gloves and cloak, eager to be rid of the clinging rain. He walked over to the fire and stood beside Teagan who was staring into its dancing flames, he wrung his hands in its warmth and after a few moments had passed Alistair could take the pondering silence no longer.

"Please, Teagan say something."

Teagan jumped from his solitary concentration and his fingers now began to run through his short beginnings of a beard.

"Well, to be honest there are few words that come to me at this point in time. You abducted…"

"Abducted is a dirty word Teagan, I didn't abduct her as such…"

"…You _abducted _a senior ranking Grey Warden and brought her here, to my home with no indefinite plans of letting her leave?"

Alistair thought for a few moments before responding. What he really wanted to say was simply, yes that's right but he thought better about it. He opted for a dignified silence, which as it turned out was worse. Teagen read his silence well and his hands now flew into the air.

"This is an act of war, Alistair!"

"That's the attitude. She is no longer a Warden Commander remember?" Alistair shot back. _An act of war?_ Dramatics were no good to him now he needed support and loyalty. What good is being king if war was continually pushed in your face? Sign this petition or it could be war, don't shake his hand like that or it could mean war don't eat that cheese it was made by so and so it could mean war! He was sick of the sound the word even made; he was sick of constant threats of war and how easily his fellow countrymen used it. Teagan didn't agree it would seem as he ploughed on.

"Regardless of her official title, Alistair, when she wakes up…Oh by the maker she will be furious. You and the dwarf duped her into a false security, got her roaring drunk and then stole her away against her permission when she couldn't defend herself. If you think for a second that she wont use that to rally the Wardens against you…"

"You sound like them now Teagan, remind yourself who you are talking of and to whom"

Alistair found himself stepping into his kingly voice; he did that every now and then without even knowing he was doing it. It was not anything new, he often found himself doing it when Elissa had made a decision he had disagreed with it had always seemed to be installed in him somehow, but he had not expected to use it on Teagan. He reared up like a war hound and his voice became stern and hard commanding and demanding of blind respect. He had nothing but reports arrive lately on his desk of how the nobles and advisors found Elissa's erratic attitude towards the court disturbing. They even spoke of her withholding important information regarding dark spawn sightings so that they would be helpless against any attack. He knew that she wasn't helping herself as she refused to take up her role as Arlessa of Denerim instead but he also knew she would never be found guilty of such an allegation. It didn't matter what she had done in the past for these people, she was just a foreign dignitary now. No longer a noble higher than most of them, but a shady Grey Warden with an army that was growing in numbers and with a distinct dislike for their king. But as with any insult or jab that was presented to him in her direction he would puff out his kingly chest and remind them all that they were lower than her in all respects. This was winning him less votes of confidence as the days went past. Now that Eamon was gone…he had one shield less and the oppressing weight of tarnishing her to him grew, as they knew that she must be crushed from him forever now if he was to make a right match in marriage.

They never did this in public of course.

Blackening the name of the peoples champion would be immediate political suicide and this thought gave Alistair courage that their reports were worthless. Eamon had kept the wolves from his door and understood his wish to hang on to Elissa a little longer and never pushed the issue but he never let it be forgotten that an heir must become apparent. Alistair liked to think that in his own way Eamon was also holding out for Elissa, he thought that Teagan had felt the same. This is why Redcliffe was his choice for her.

"Apologies, Alistair" Teagan hurriedly replied "But with all due respect you know the girl she was four years ago. Have you seen her since then? I have, I met her once in Orlais and it was a strange and frightful experience. I kept it from Leliana, as it would do her no good to know what she has made herself. Gone was the warm, caring and compassionate loyal Ferelden, dead and buried, she made that perfectly clear. I would never slander her intentions to the crown as I do not believe what has been said and if I could save anyone from their actions it would be her. Alistair, I know…" he hushed Alistair with a silent finger that indicated he wasn't to jump at him as he had not finished "...I know you care not to hear it but I think that she is trying to…trying to…" Teagan searched rapidly to find the right set of words that would simmer the building situation and make Alistair understand but he understood only too clearly.

"Kill herself?"

"No, gain some peace, Alistair"

Alistair took a step back in disbelief and wiped his trembling hand over his now sweating brow. He didn't want to relive this realisation, he would never forget how she placed the dagger in his hands and begged him to end it for her, the moment he almost considered helping her end her pain…he shook the memory clear from his mind and slumped back into a large chair behind him. Teagan poured a large goblet of warmed spice-wine and handed it over to the exhausted king before him. How had it all come to this? He asked himself as the silence crept on between the two of them. He aches for her but will not go to her directly with answers to her accusations and venom. He shook his head and took a step back waiting for Alistair to gain some composure, as the silence seemed to go on forever. Alistair slowly drunk the warmed drink and when he had finished, placed the goblet upon a small silver dish beside the chair.

"Teagan, you do not have to agree with what I am doing but as your king, I am asking you to keep her here" Alistair broke the silence with a pleading request to one of his closest confidents. His eyes filled with such need that Teagan found it hard to keep eye contact.

"And where will you be, my king?" he asked.

"I will return to Denerim, I have been gone too long as it is. She…she will not want to be in the same place as me so it would be best if I leave."

"Alistair, by the maker you cannot just leave her here!" The mood was changing again. Teagan loved Alistair as if he was indeed an equal to him by blood as the previous king. Alistair was not the son of his sister as Cailan was but him and his brother, Eamon, had guided Alistair as if he was their own son though the first years of royalty. He could no longer sit by and let Alistair betray everything they had taught him. He understood his love for Elissa but when he had taken measures to prevent them, why would he undo it all now and cause further danger, he just couldn't accept it, even if he wanted to.

"You just can't help yourself can you? All this is too late, Alistair. Whilst I admire your reasoning I cannot support your action. You are fuelling her hatred for you my boy…you must see this?"

The rain matched the mood and continued to thrash against the windows, rattling the tension further.

"I would love nothing more than to think that she would forgive me for the pain I have caused her, Teagan, but it is clear she will not…I must therefore encourage her hatred towards me to save her. This plan of hers will pass...I know her…"

Teagan grunted in disbelief and strained patience began to show on his already aggrieved face. He could hold it no longer and he would drive some sanity into the king before him if it were his last act alive.

"Tell her Alistair, This will all end…by the maker just tell her! you are pushing her into the arms of rebellion!"

"Rebellion? Did that sound as stupid as you thought it might in your head? I should blacken Fergus for that? I cannot and will not do that to her. That would finish her off, how could you even suggest a thing? I have kept it as my decision and I will continue to do that for him, for her…never mention it again."

"Promises made then are surely not intended to be kept now? You know he wouldn't want this for her…tell her my liege…Alistair!"

Alistair gripped the sides of the chair and maddening thoughts whipped around his head whirling and twisting into obvious necessity and huge mistakes. He always considered telling her, Maker knows how many letters he had penned, too much of a coward to face her with the truth. He had hoped to make her understand that he would always love her…but for his promise to Fergus. He calmed as he grieved for the girl who had lost all her family, two orphans they had become, now both so alone.

"It would crush her to know that Fergus would ask of me such a thing. If she had known, Maker. I...I thought he was right and I have to stick by my vow to him…" He sighed into his hands that now cupped his face, holding him together. "Fergus lost his wife and child to Howe and he never recovered when he heard. His heart broke then and there and he easily let it. She is not ready to hear such a tale"

"No Alistair, _you_ are not ready. This is all needless guilt. What is done is done and, Maker forgive me for saying this but you are now king…love is no longer an option. You are holding on to her hoping that this will all stop and she will return to you and your side…she will not! You cannot lock her up until she decides this!"

Teagan bit his own tongue after he spat the words out. He hated to agree with the particularly awful tongues that wagged at court but eventually they were going to say something he had to agree with. The Orlesians were becoming agitated with the current treaty and many had whispered that Alistair should settle down with an Orlesian noble and end any threat at the borders. Alistair could not wait around any longer for a bitter warrior to finally come to her senses. The taint within both of them would put an end to any heir and therefore any possible pairing in the eyes of the nobles that surrounded Alistair. He had been petitioned day and night for his words to be put before the king on the subject and Alistair's new actions had forced his hand. Teagan had nothing but love and respect for Elissa but she had shown him that her hatred for anything to do with Alistair would override any chance of her being the old bubbly beauty he had once held in such esteem and favour. The throne must survive with Theirin blood.

He sighed with a heavy heart as he strode over to Alistair who was not doing too well listening to Teagan echo what he had to hear every day at court. But he had to follow through. He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and spoke softly to him.

"Alistair, my dearest boy. Go back to Denerim and take a wife. Leave Elissa to what she does best. She is our protector and hero, the people look for her to keep them safe and she knows it. She will not do anything foolish, you broke from her four years ago…let it be…for both of you"

"When did you become so official Teagan?" Alistair wondered as the advice Teagan gave him continued to sting inside. His head bent down, and his eyes closed in shame and frustration, Teagan slowly walked over to the rattling window to sub-consciously inspect the rainfall. His eyes suddenly bolted wide open as he took in the spectacle occurring in the rain soaked courtyard below.

"Well it doesn't seem to matter anymore…it seems the Lady is awake…and not to good with hangovers"

Alistair picked himself up from the chair and darted over beside Teagen, who moved out of his way so that Alistair could see for himself as Elissa bellowed at stable boys and tugged at her horse preparing it for departure against the onslaught of rain upon them.

The door burst open behind them and a gush of chill wind darted in quelling the flames of the candle and fire. A breathless and harassed Leliana stood before them clutching on to the doorknob to stand upright, she had been running. The two men's faces turned to stare at her as to will the words out that she wanted to so desperately utter.

"Oh Alistair, forgive me…I think I have done something horridly wrong!"


	8. Surrender

**A/N – Hello my lovlies. Here is chapter 8, sorry it has taken so long but I have been heavily falling back into my Dragon Age addiction and needing fresh inspiration to continue. I hope it meets your approval and answers some questions. I had a lot of help from Imogen Heap and her beautiful Hide n Seek song. I suggest having it playing whilst reading...it has a certain ambience to the penned (or typed) words before you.**

**CHAPTER 8 – SURRENDER**

She knows, maker she knows.

Alistair tore out of the study that he was standing in with Teagan and Leliana. It had taken a mere five minutes for her to tell him that Elissa knew Fergus was the reason behind his betrayal, a whole five minutes for his heart to burn up and rip at his rib cage, yearning to get out and to her. He felt light and dizzy whilst his stomach churned with a dreaded sick feeling at the thought of what this could mean. She hated him enough as it was, could he bare extra malice in her eyes as she looked at him? He needed to get to her. He heard Teagan calling out from above to the guards down below but the howl of the wind and rain outside made it impossible for his message to get across, even _he_ did not want her to leave without a full explanation.

Leliana would be the first to admit that she had done wrong, but when her heart was in the right place and one of the few people who agreed with his actions, Alistair found it hard to be angry with her. He may, of course, feel differently if Elissa rode out and away this night, and out of his sight of intended protection. He had to get to her, at the moment in time the most important thing in the whole of his kingdom was that she didn't leave this castle, he was not sure what thin line he would have to cross to achieve that, but it could not be a blurred one.

As he whipped around the final corner he turned into the main hall shouting for the doors to be opened, he didn't want to waste a second in getting into that courtyard. A stream of guards had collected at his heels with no clue as to what was going on. They gripped their weapons as though an arch demon was on the other side of the wooden doors, not that far off it would seem as the sounds of Elissa screaming to be allowed past the gates smashed about with the pelting rain and into the castle entrance itself.

She stood soaked to the bone in a simple tunic and trouser suit. A light cloak hugged her shoulders with water as if it was made from glue and her hair was plastered to the fine build of her face whilst her skin was a pale white that glowed in the night sky and drenched square. She wiped away tears thinking she could fool any who looked upon her that it was rain as she stamped her feet into the ground, rooting herself there for as long as it would take. He knew her all too well and he knew her tricks of courage and stance, she had once told him that when they toasted her bravery in the middle of a raining battlefield she was actually weeping for those who were about to fall and for those who would have to bring their bodies back.

Elissa knew that her eyes had betrayed her as she turned in a huff and was greeted by the sight of her anger, standing there huffing with no breath left to catch waving to his guards behind him to stop where they were. He had let himself go, she thought.

The two of them were a courtyard apart but she felt as though she could feel his desperation from his penetrating stare. An eternity passed as their eyes locked across nature's battle of elements, him slowly standing straighter and tall as though he was trying to stare down a Mabari hound by showing no fear and her snorting a laugh as she finally managed to turn her back on him.

The wind pushed over anything that was standing still and the rain crushed it with its full weight and anger. She suddenly stopped heavily still facing the guarded gates, her feet refusing to go along with her stubborn path of vicious verbal attacks. Her mind reminded her of their last encounter and her knees felt like they were ready to buckle again.

_Fergus?_

A renewed serge of energy pushed her to approach the guards at the gate. One dropped his head to the muddy floor so he didn't have to repeat his regret as they refused to open the gates a final time. She spat on to the floor and glanced at the second guard, he was looking upwards to an open lounge window above them, a candle still alight in the hands of a fretful redhead. She followed his gaze and called out to the figure above

"Dire que votre Arl me permets de passé, Leliana de repos de coutume de ..."

She yelled up as the wind thrashed her threat upwards to Leliana but before she could finish the window had closed and the light disappeared bit by bit. Elissa could no longer see the window in the darkness that had suddenly enveloped the castle wall and the courtyard. So this is how it was to be? She felt like a bag of nails had exploded in her stomach and she grabbed at the wet tunic that covered her mid-drift. _Try to breathe you silly girl_ she thought, tiredness pushing at her eyelids begging them for just five more minutes of rest _Its just frustration get these gates open and you're free of all this delay_ The pain in her head and chest joined the list of ailments as they got stronger and stronger trying to slow her down, she wondered weakly as her mind swirled.

_Fergus?_

_Get these gates OPEN!_

She whirled her gaze back down to the two guards at the gate and the four above on the small rampart that ran the width of the heavy wooden barricade holding her in.

" I will remind you one last time that by imprisoning a Grey Warden you are bringing death to your door…this is an act of war by those that employ you…don't die for them."

She saw how they gripped at their pikes and shields as she spoke, eyes blotting out the pouring rain refusing to meet her eye and standing strong and loyal to their king and Arl. She will show them their precious hero of Ferelden is no animal to be caged in and ordered. A feeling deep in her being tried to shake her soul as she wiped the palms of her hands on her cloak and then pulled back the top of her saddlebags reaching in and finding her twin daggers.

Pup…this is not who you are …

…_But it would take but a few minutes._

Alistair reached her hands, as they were about to withdraw leaning in as close to her as he could before she put up the fight he knew was coming.

"Don't do this, Liss…they are not the enemy." He whispered into her ear, softly snatching her back from her private battle, his voice warm and calming. She wanted to snuggle down in its fire and stay there…_but he had refused you, he didn't want you to stay_… the anger wanted to cling on to the past for its very existence.

"Draw your sword on me if you must kill something tonight. But Andraste help them, they look to you for protection not mercy" Alistair pleaded holding her hands tight in the dry saddlebags.

Elissa snapped her head around to him and he flinched slightly, she glared at him and her eyes welled up further. She felt suddenly hurt that he thought she would do such a thing to him and then terrified that she might. She was overwhelmed with a flushing onslaught of memories and emotions backing up his reasons of fear.

What had she become?

He relaxed his shoulders but still gripped her hands in place within the bags. The horse started to stamp and shake as the rain got worse and the floor below its hooves started to grab at anything it came in contact with. Alistair looked into the pair of eyes that were searching his face as though she was slowly remembering where and who she was. They missed their usual fine colour and looked like giant globes of black angry rock. Void of anything but raw anger, confusion and hate. She had truly become so consumed with this disease it had eaten away the girl he had loved.

The girl he …loved.

This was all him, he reminded himself but this will now end. She panted next to him as the rain now fell heavily down upon them.

A sudden bellow broke the exchange of what felt like a beginning of some kind.

"Your majesty...please. I must insist you return inside."

An official looking guard called out to his king pleading with him to return to the warmth and away from the sobbing wet courtyard and dagger-wielding harpy. Alistair shouted over his shoulder to all his staff and guards that had gathered, frightened and ready to pounce. He informed them that he would return inside in a moment and that the guards should stand down from their newly formed defence. She hated to admit it but the voice he commanded with was warm and well intentioned. Even now as he stood with one hand on her weapons and one hand on her horse, water dripping down his hair and across his face, blinking out the water and brushing it off his top lip with his bottom, he made a fine leader. One which saw half his house standing there ready to throw themselves in front of her swords to save him, she could see it in their stance.

Wringing hands of female worry added with the tensed weapon clenched fists of the male kind showed that he was a kind master and leader. She found her stomach jump and a feeling of pride swept over her. She heaved in a gust of rain and air and let her head fall to the saddle of her horse pulling her hands from his hold and her weapons to cover her shameful eyes. What manner of creature had she become that she had been seen as a noted danger to their…her king? She never wanted this; never, she just wanted to have peace. They brought this beast before them not her and now as if standing in front of a huge mirror she was forced to look at what she had become. Had Fergus played a part in her misery? She couldn't even force the full thought to march through her mind. She was not as strong as she thought. The realisation was crippling, the things she had said and done…no one could forgive such evil.

Alistair dared to move even closer, reaching across her to grab the reins of the horse. He tested the waters and pulled at the nag leading it off to the stables as the sound of the huge gated doors began to creak open and the small deluge that had built up behind it flowed out and down the hill into the city. He watched her as she stiffened, gazing out at the new beyond. She did not move with the horse and for a moment Alistair fretted that she would bolt. The gate lay open now and she stared out at the darkness beyond, what was she thinking he fretted…no Elissa…don't do it, stay.

"Elissa…."

She turned to him as he called her full name, the rain seeping in and all over her now. She looked weak and tired. Battling with her demons had cost her dear and her hands and arms shook slightly as her world looked like it was about to crash down around her.

"Why now? You have not the strength for a bitter maid like me…I could just go" Her voice was weak but hanging threads of strength pushed the insult out as her gaze still stuck to the exit before her. There was no power in her words anymore just a fading attack at his interest in her.

His mouth opened and the words rushed out before he could think of a diplomatic response.

"Strength? It took all the strength I had to walk away Elissa. You asked me to cut you open and end your life and you meant it! By the maker I almost considered it! The pleading I saw in your eyes 'its this or the Deep Roads' that's what you said…"

She now had her eyes pinned on Alistair as he spoke to her. She remembered it all too well and she saw how it had pained him. She was starting to believe…daring to believe would hurt her more wouldn't it? She wanted answers before she gave up for good.

"I nearly did it Elissa…I would rather you die in my arms than any Darkspawn. It took all the strength I had to resist. I left…to stop the Deep Roads and your anger from taking you from me forever"

A silence fell upon the courtyard, not a sound could be heard. Even the rain and wind had a hard time waking her from his last words. He stepped closer to her knowing what she would ask him next and he dreaded it with all his heart.

"Is it true? Did Fergus do …this?"

Alistair knew he had to answer but still the pointless need to protect her from more harm muted his speech. He simply looked to her as his face began to give way to matching emotions. He loved her more at that moment then he had ever done so before. She was never as strong as she led people to believe and he would always catch her when she needed to be caught. He knew his Elissa and every inch of him yearned to wrap her up in his arms and carry her to where he could dry her off and cradle her back to life. She had died these last four years and he had plunged the knife into her long before she had asked him to, how could one person have lived with this much sorrow and longing and what had her heart suffered more than his in her small, cold prison in Highever? It seemed that the longest time elapsed as the two of them once again stared at each other from a small but huge distance.

"I am done now, Alistair. I have not the energy in me to hate you anymore. If this is true than my whole life has just been one huge lie. The pain…in my heart it is…stretching over everything. I cant breathe anymore and...I just…want silence from it all…please let me go…no more betrayal, please"

She pleaded with him for an end to her pain and as he still refused to answer her he looked to the floor letting the horse trot off to whichever dry spot he could find. A few soldiers still loitered around but Alistair paid no attention to anyone else in the small courtyard but Elissa who was now starting to sway, lifting her head up to take in the full pelt of the oncoming rain. He walked slowly over to her and made it clear that he was going to move his arms towards her. He held up the palm of his hands as his shirt flapped tightly around his arms in the wind. He felt nothing, no cold or wind…only gaping regret. He lifted his hands up the sides of her face and slowly placed them on her skin, slightly pulling her face down to him.

"Yes…Yes, Liss…Fergus asked me to spare you a broken life…. he asked me to leave you whilst you could still move on."

The world she had cocooned herself in had just crumbled, she had no control anymore and she found it hard to breathe, she grasped at the wet cloak and tried in vain to pull it tight around her as if it would hold her up whilst she drifted away, but that had always been his job and four awful, painful years would never change that for him. He didn't and wouldn't remove his hands from her cold but familiar skin, silently remembering the joy it was bringing back to him, touching her was always a most blessed gift and the tingle her touch always gave him returned with a regretful embrace upon his soul as he struggled to get his breath back. The sensation he felt had been one that he thought he would never feel again and even though he wished it was in better circumstances he relished the jump to his heart. Alistair felt that since he had started he should finish, this was a painful mess that did indeed need to be cleared up right now…and no one could stop his confession to her now, she was growing lighter in his grasp.

"The night before we left for Denerim, Fergus saw me leave Morrigans room. At first he wanted to run me through there and then for betraying you but forced with no other explanation that would save his blessing for us I told him the truth. I told him why I was there. He flew into a rage and made me see what we had done. We were fools Liss, she had planned it all along and with a plan like that she had an end game. What then? What would happen after who knows how many peaceful years, she would just return and ruin our future together? He made me see that at some point down the line you would be gravely hurt. Should I spare you from the embarrassment that comes with an heir elsewhere before or later? Before when you were young enough to move on and forget me or later when we had a home, life or maker forbid a beautiful family? Don't you see you were safer with me locked away from you? You think you have been the only one in a prison? I have not left Denerim in three years the first time was to come to you and you made me hold a dagger to your heart!"

Elissa's whole body collapsed into him and her head swung back. She was tired and done. Alistair was wracked with worry that this was the end; this was Fergus all over again. It had been too much all in one go, what was he thinking? He wanted to shake her and have her say something…anything…just something about what he had told her. Leliana had suddenly appeared with a face full of tears and a dry blanket, he snatched it off her hurriedly, wrapping it around the fragile and light body that had gone limp and lifeless in his arms.

"My Leige…please…"

A pair of soldiers arrived and he grudgingly parted with her limp frame and let them carry her back inside and back to her room. Leliana rushed past him and gathered a few servants to which she rushed orders. A small army of messengers and errand boys were dispatched to different areas of Redcliffe with various jobs that were in great urgency. A hand grabbed Alistair's arm as he started to move off with the gathering crowd of healers and servants. He turned to see Teagan urge him with his eyes to stay away but he pulled away from his grasp with such fury that he struggled to contain his angry words of warning.

"You did the right thing Alistair…" he called after him as he watched Alistair follow the hurried band of healers, servants and his wife as they carried the Grey Warden up and into the Castle.

He reached the room in which they had carried Elissa and as he entered, the room went silent and all heads bowed towards him. Elissa had been removed of all her wet clothes and lay unresponsive upon the bed she had woken from just an hour before. Leliana stood behind a small raven-haired mage who weaved his arms up and over her body, chanting and channelling the spells he needed to bring her back from the cold she willingly walked into. She jumped slightly and Alistair rushed over moving the mage with his own hands.

"What are you doing to her?"

Leliana appeared to his left.

"Alistair, please let Jarin do what he does best. He is a fine mage and one of our best healers here in Redcliffe. Please"

Alistair slowly moved out of the way and brought his fingers to his mouth. He chewed on the ends of his fingers whilst pacing and dripping puddles all over the floor whilst, for the first time in ten years silently petitioning the one who held her life in his hands.

_Maker...let her get through this or by Andraste and all her sodding ashes…take me next._


	9. Truce

**A/N: Hello! This is a rather long chapter, as I have felt guilty about not being able to post as quickly as I would like. I am trying very hard to become employed again and feeling guilty about spending time writing, so forgive me for making it a huge gap between postings **** as always I adore your comments and support and by the Maker…I need it!**

**CHAPTER 9 - TRUCE**

The fires light started to creep through her slowly opening and sleep-dried eyelids. Elissa had no idea how long she had been asleep but her head felt heavy with too much sleep and her body fat from too much rest.

She could just make out the shape of a lone figure watching her wake from the shadows and she immediately felt her fingers creep under her pillow searching out for the tiny dagger she normally hid there whilst she slept, but as her eyes opened more carefully she started to remember that she wasn't at home…she was somewhere else and the daggers would not be there. She didn't seem to recognise the stranger's features but the way that he now stepped forward gazing upon her with his eyes felt somehow familiar.

Elissa tensed when she saw him take a step even further forward towards her bed and she instinctively hunched back to the wall behind her as the blankets scattered side wards or to the floor. He moved with a cat like grace but hovered in places as though scouting with his dark eyes for reasons to pause. He seemed unsure but still decided to move closer, regarding her like an awakening experiment. His curiosity slowly turned to a satisfaction smacked grin as he stepped further out of the dark and into the light where she could appraise this new character properly. She knew she was still in Redcliffe but as to whom this man was she had no idea. Her limbs and body felt aged and for the smallest of movements it was a tremendous effort. The stranger noticed this and his slim frame became shadowed as he lifted his left hand up to his mouth, which was now sporting an amazed and entertained grin…there it was again, she thought, I am sure I don't know him but his dark wild eyes seem so familiar. She watched him with a stern and cautious face and he reacted by drumming his fingers on his chin.

"Interesting...I thought it would be at least a day further before you rejoined us, if you ever did so of course"

His voice was light and yet somehow sharp, pleased and well articulated. His words sounded direct and exact and very self-assured which was not fitting with his age. She immediately thought of an old soul trapped inside the body of a younger mind as he presented himself with matching particles, in presence and personality. She couldn't see many people understanding this breed of man and she immediately thought of his loneliness, he was not so imposing to her now.

Elissa gave a sarcastic grunt and shimmied the blankets up around her. She looked down as she pulled the lighter blankets over her lower body as she noticed that she seemed to be dressed in only a thick nightgown, of which she could not recall putting on. As her body woke further she started to feel the cold creep in around her toes and she tucked them back in and under as her eyes raced back up to the talking stranger before her. He was now stroking the small tuft of hair on his chin as he took the smallest of steps backwards. A silent understanding of her discomfort was remedied by a step back but not too far that they couldn't continue to read each other.

She glanced him over and found that he wore a robe of the richest red, which was accompanied by a slight waistband of silver that was draped around his waist. Two vials dangled from this belt and the clinking noise they made as he moved seemed a little hypnotic to Elissa. Her attention now travelled upwards and she could see that he wore a full head of raven black hair that was long enough to dance over his wolf pelted shoulders and down to the middle of his chest. He wore no braid or band and let his hair fall like a wild animal would. It was preened and clean but she had never seen a man wear his hair so free. He could have been around the same age as her if not perhaps a little older, his face was defined and his cheek bones and structure well chiselled, in short he was very handsome but the fact that he knew it and didn't care made the jewels that hung from his ear and down his shoulder shine on their own and bring the only warming beauty to its holder. It was rare, she thought, to see a man with such a wild breed of dress but with such finery that only a man of knowledge would dare to try and carry off. She didn't see him fitting into any chantry or Mage circle yet…he was somehow trying to fit in, and he was struggling. She understood little of this man so far only that he was not accustomed to changing in order to fit in or be accepted, she liked this, but still didn't trust him.

"Have you finished your appraisal?"

His once again clear and direct voice cut her from her thoughts.

"Have you?" she replied.

She sensed that it was now perhaps time for some introductions and he agreed as he walked over to her bed and lifted her chin up with his finger, oddly cold touch for a healer, she thought. He glanced at her askew and then turned her gaze to the other side. He made a short humphing sound and stepped back.

"My name is Jarin…and I am for all intent and purposes, your medic here at Redcliffe and believe me if I was not...you would be dead" His eyes lit up with self-appreciation at his role in her life. Elissa was not surprised but found this warmed her humour somewhat.

"Erm, thank you?" she replied, trying to find the words that wouldn't offend him

"Yes…well...I guess…your welcome?" he was very new to gratitude, obviously, she thought.

"What was wrong with me?"

"Do you want the truth or the official story?" His hands flew up in a sarcastic curl and it was plain to see that this was to be a man who liked to talk with his hands.

"Both?"

"Well _they _and by_ they_ I mean the brainless sheep out there, think that you were exhausted, tired a little bit suicidal and _grrr_ like…the truth is that _you_ people will go about drinking Darkspawn blood and forgetting that as well as binding you with their thoughts and presence…it is actually BAD FOR YOU!"

Elissa just stared at him. There was not much she could say to that, he was right of course. They all knew the dangers Darkspawn blood would have upon those who survive the joinings but not much else was ever pondered on. She stopped thinking about what else would come with her job description after she found out she could not conceive…there didn't seem to be anything else that could top that.

"Your heart was rotting. It is as simple as that. The taint isn't just a fabulous battle accessory you know? It sits and waits for any chance of weakness and then it feeds...attacks and grows. It is like any other disease, it claims and kills. Your heart was a plum little factory of negativity and despair. It had rotted away to its very embers and with none of that jolly tally ho spirit you all seem to have, which by the way is tedious beyond belief, you were ripe for the taking…"

Elissa pouted her lips and chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, her eyes darting left and right trying to think of something clever to say, all she could honestly think of was that she had met someone a little bit more angrier than her…he seemed even more familiar now…Jarin? Jarin? Where had she hared that name before?

"…If I were you I would introduce some form of pamphlet for equally keen and eager naive recruits to ponder over as they sign their lives away to a nice little tipple and a spiffing sword."

"We don't get swords…but the tipple was exquisite…what did the taint do to me?"

"Well, in layman's terms it worked its way through your blood and settling on your heart. Over the years you allowed it to control your movements and feelings, It told you that you were angry and you went along with it, it told you that you were better off dead and you believed it, you fought it of course which is why it took so long but it was blackened…withered and almost out of my reach to bring it back. Its not only desire demons that can get inside you and take over you know. So young and new to this world you all are, things are not as black and white as the Warden handbooks think they are. Once again I am forced to remind you...its B.A.D for you!"

"And now?"

Jarin controlled his flapping and illustrative hands and folded them behind his back whilst he took a deep breath and continued.

"Now? well it is scarred and still untrusting but it will heal…maybe" she saw a glint of sympathy behind his eyes and it was enough to warm him in her own.

"Then...I thank you Jarin…I am in your debt Ser."

"Ser? Phooey not likely…but since you mentioned debts there is something I must speak to you about…"

The door opened slowly and the creak cut the conversation in two. Alistair popped his head around the door and then his whole body followed suit. Jarin grimaced and snapped his head from Elissa to the clearly unwelcome visitor.

"I said, quite clearly, that she needed more peace to rest, Kings are not above plain common sense or the words of a Healer and higher intellectual you know!"

Elissa found that she could not hide the grin that his bare faced insubordination brought. It seemed that Alistair was to always be doomed with the immediate hate of all things mage like.

"Its fine Jarin…I am fine. Please return to any other affairs you may have and you can call upon me at a later time." she nodded a goodbye and he turned to leave, not too happy at anything that had just occured, she was delighted to have pained him.

"We will speak soon…very soon" He growled under his breath and swished with a slight fury past Alistair and out the door slamming it shut behind him.

"Now _that's_ why Mages should have personality spells!" Allistair was surprised at the farewells and indeed the welcome he had been given upon entering the small room.

"I quite like him…he seems…never mind" she shook the strange comparison from her mind as she moved up to the headboard of her bed, pulling the blankets even tighter around her now.

Alistair smiled in response and placed himself in a large chair by the fire, slinking backwards so the two huge arms of the chair hid him somewhat in a feint shadow. He picked up the two large daggers at the foot of the chair and twirled them in his hands as the time ticked by in silence he played with them for what felt like an eternity refusing to meet her eye but gathering up the courage to try. She lowered her head to the pillow once more and was content enough to return to sleep knowing that he was simply just there. Her heart truly did feel differently and the loss of the hatred was slight but still enough to confuse her by being near him so calmly and peacefully.

"These are not yours. they are bland and dull, numbed and scratched. What happened to your mothers?" His voice was like a whisper as it brought her out of her daze.

"They are in my saddle bag still...I hope." She sensed that he was trying to make a start in conversation and he needed her to be the second person involved in doing that, this didn't feel like it would be easy but they would need to work together to push the past away, even just a little bit.

"Since returning from Denerim after the blight, I found that every village I went through needed a sign of courage of some kind, so they could pick themselves up and fight on to repair their homes, livelihoods and families. They needed something to help rebuild and defend against straggling and hungry Darkspawn. Riordan…"

She paused at the name.

She had found great comfort in Riordan and the added vision of Duncan always returned with his. Alistair placed the daggers by the fireplace and stood, he moved closer now standing by the window a few steps away from her bed. She watched his face mirror her own as he gazed out at the night sky seeing his own memories conjured by the name. Duncan's loss was always to be this raw to them both, she decided to carry the story on and leave that sorrow with the rest.

"Riordan told me that the weapon of a slaying warden always hung in the local tavern of any village that survived a blight. So I had several made to replicate the 'great daggers of Highever' tinted with arch-demon blood and…well…there you go"

"Your mother would be appalled I suspect?"

They both laughed lightly and it turned into an uncomfortable silence. He walked over to sit on the end of her bed as she seemed to shift further in the other direction not having much room left to escape in, he was so close now and she was not sure she could handle it just yet. She still didn't feel comfortable with his closeness, but at least she wasn't spitting venom at him. It felt strange to no longer hate him but she felt she had to press back any other emotions that wanted to rush back.

Progress and yet more silence.

Alistair took a deep breath and curled his fingers around a lose curve in the bed sheets. Every inch of his focus was on this piece of cloth…his eyes...his concentration and his courage relied on this bed sheet for support to say what he came to say.

"After you killed the arch demon, I made my way to Fort Drakon's gates. I was grabbed by a field mage and told to come urgently to a makeshift tent at the side of the palace. When I walked in I knew immediately why I had been called for. They said that they had been looking all over for me and he, that is Fergus, wouldn't rest until they brought me back there. He waited, 'Liss to make me promise to him…and I did. As soon as I did he closed his eyes and left for the fade. The mages told me afterwards that they found no injuries or wounds but they sensed a heavy darkness or melancholy within him. Wynne told me later that he had died of a …"

"…Broken heart…yes I know the rest" she interrupted solemnly, wrapping her under sheet around her stomach as he pressed on. She didn't want to do this but she knew that they had to. If nothing happened afterwards then that was fate but right now the last four years had to be explained and understood, for both of them.

"Morrigan's absence when you returned made me feel that it was the right choice, Maker forgive me. I was drunk with morale obligation and right doing. The journey to where I stood then seemed wrought with heavy decisions and all of them you had made, I had it easy. I never knew how easy until I…I had to tell you …" he gulped for a surge of bravery to filter through and make him finish "…that we should be apart. What is worse is that I blamed it all on Ferelden I was a massive fool…no surprise there eh?"

He made a nervous smile and his eyes now searched hers with an urgent sense of acceptance. To his surprise the corers of her mouth tried to lift but they gave up, that was more than he cold have hoped for. She reached forward and laid the palm of her own hand on his as it began to turn red gripping at her bed sheet, he relaxed his hand into her care and he stared at her, begging her silently to say something.

"I understand what you did now…but four years went by and with each day I died a little more inside. It was the taint hacking away at an easy target but i welcomed the hatred that kept me going and look what happened when I drove it out...I was for the fade…and no Darkspawn needed to get anywhere near me. I am just…not sure..."

"I am not asking anything of you 'Liss. I just wanted you to know…and well…I shall leave you to your rest." He began to stand hating to withdraw his hand from her warm grasp, but not wanting her to feel pressured into forgetting the past. He had given it plenty of thought and even if she regarded him as a known acquaintance instead of an enemy or best-forgotten mistake this would be a victory.

"You are leaving Redcliffe?" the panic in her voice surprised him and he sat back down on the bed. He shook himself and she too was surprised at the reluctance for him to leave but he was not going to give her time to turn back.

"No…well not for now, there is trouble in the bannorn but..."

Silence returned as he sat back down leaning his back up against the corner her bed was placed in whilst crossing his legs in front of him and stuffing a pillow behind his neck. She slowly watched him as she curled back up under her sheets nervously playing with the loose curls at her ears. They sat at opposite ends of the small bed and she moved her hands to a pillow trying to find a cold spot for her head to rest.

"Is that stuffy Bann Jintall still at court?"

"Ah yes, I am afraid he is but he is now joined by two shorter Jintall's and the ever so popular Mrs Jintall and no…he has not learnt how to control his random attacks on his neighbours chicken farms"

They laughed a little and Alistair spent the night telling her stories of the characters at court these days and the things that had happened since she had last visited the capital. The moon had long gone and the sun began to peep through the mornings red clouds before he left her room silently and regretfully taking a last look at her as she slept peacefully and in his own honest opinion…Beautifully. He wondered as he shut the door behind him carefully if he still had a hold on even a small part of her life? he mentally prepared himself to cling on to that part with everything and all that he had.

**U:U:U:U:U**

_The woods darted past her as she surged forward yearning for that familiar sensation that crept up at the back of her neck, where are you? She silently begged...help me! _

_Nothing. _

_She suddenly skidded to a halt when before her stood a small but growing horde of Darkspawn in their familiar dribs and drabs of hunted and scavenged armour._

_They turned to see her and she slowly buckled her courage up allowing her to stand solo and strong, her back sharp and arched reaching behind her for her bow. Standing slightly off she slowly raised her bow arm and as the horde grunted and reared for attack she loaded her twinned and tainted arrows. Everything stood still time, sound and even age…she took a deep breath in and the white light of Cousland courage returned to her as if it had never left, she was alone and she would slaughter them all, this was her way, the scout she had always been was always the first to attack up front first...all alone. This was how she was stocked; she would fight like it now for as long as she lived. She laced an extra arrow to make it three through the strings and shut her guarding eye drawing them back with precision and destination now locked. She could here them drawling and howling mixing their hideous communication with the customary call to arms of the sword and shield drumming. From the back of the scattered pack she saw him…the target…the filthy emissary, Short and stocky and reeking of death. She would have him if nothing else that day. With that thought the bow released its quarry and the arrows flew through the air silently pacing and seeking their target with force and brutality, they spiralled and weaved together lashing out in intended unity whistling loud and fast past the heads of the other filth they shot past. The arrows dashed sprinkling poison on the Darkspawn gathered around as they struck with force into the gut of the over balanced Genlock Emissary. He gave a short whelp and ripped at the arrows pulling them out without a care, his staff now aloft in the air in his shaking and bloodied hand, summoning a glyph of protection around himself he began to heal. Elissa didn't wait for him to finish she threw the bow to the floor and ran grabbing with her crossed arms for her daggers. Her eyes to the ground she dashed dragging the twin blades across the forest floor, sparks and acid flying as the tinder it ran across glowed with their power and runes. She let out a loud roar and charged head first with a leap into the now surrounding crowd lunging forward with a duck and riposte dodging the lazy and crude blunt swords of the Darkspawn._

_They piled in from nowhere becoming more than the six or seven she had originally scouted. She criticised herself with a sleeting breath as she continued to step out of the way of the tightening weaponry, her duellist skills had not become rusty as her stance hardened and second…third Darkspawn dropped to her feet. More and more they came until she could not see the forest any longer around her. She smiled and laughed, firstly to herself and then as more appeared louder and louder in a maddening bellow. _

_This is it Elissa...this is what you wanted. _

_She laughed further as she thought of all the times she wanted this and now that she didn't...it happened...by shielding her they had only brought her to her destiny faster…well she wasn't going out like a coward…she was Elissa Cousland… this was her death. She thought of many things she felt would pass through her mind as it got closer but a feint voice echoed to her, a small rhyme she had heard as a child made its way through her bones and helped her stand as blades cut to her arms and chest._

_**anduri alor vell an evan**_

_**ata vre beneavm**_

_Father…._

_She suddenly heard the loud caw of a nearby bird. It came again and over the heads of the oncoming Darkspawn she saw a large black raven circling and becoming larger and larger with each beat of its wings, the attackers stopped and gazed upwards as it descended behind them. Within a few heartbeats it went silent and before she knew it the air turned icy cold the leaves under her boots started to crisp and crack and the forest turned a beautiful shade of white, swallowing the bodies of the ones that dared darken its beauty. The Darkspawn shouted and yelled as they slowly became stuck to the floor desperately trying to free their feet from the icy shackles that now ravaged at their skin. The purity of nature was killing them quicker then she ever could._

_The emissary roared and sent a swarm of pestilent bees to the new attacker and before Elissa dared question what had happened she began to call any nearby wolves to her aid as she finished and continued to slash at the stunned Darkspawn as the growls of her small and deadly allies began to smother the remaining fodder. The emissary turned and fled leaving behind enough traps to slow down any followers. She thought about following but knew only to well that experience had taught her to savour a small victory if it was just about deserved._

_Elissa breathed and removed her helm, wiping her brow with the back of her clothed wrist. As the last of the Darkspawn fell the frosting of the forest dripped away as though it had never been. The mist cleared and a familiar silhouette was beginning to emerge._

_Morrigan? … "Morrigan!"_

"_No. Warden…not Morrigan but I."_

_Jarin walked forward from the mist and gripped onto a weathered silver bark staff he had fashioned from debris at his feet. He was removing a small globe that he had attached to the top and placed it into an equally small black pouch at his side returning the now ordinary piece of firewood to the floor, powerless and natural once again._

"_Jarin…how? The raven, it was you?"_

_It was becoming clear to her now, the raven…the raven had been following her for weeks. She remembered seeing it the night Alistair stormed out of Highever, the night she was too drunk to fight and the morning she awoke after the storm. Morrigan...she had spoken a name like his when she came to her as she slept._

**_'Jarin cannot hold it any longer…Elissa, Listen you will not be able to feel them...it is…'_**

"_And so it finally becomes clear yes? I think you know the answers, Elissa…she sent me to watch over you. You no longer feel them do you? The connection to them is indeed severed, just as she said it would. You are free...so to speak. She gave this to you in return for my education of…how should I say…you. I am bound to you by blood...naughty I know but it really is for your own good"_

"_She gave this to me? SHE GAVE THIS TO ME? How...how could she...by BLOOD…MY BLOOD?"_

"_hmmmmm…yes she said you would see this the wrong way at first. I took a small sample of your blood when you were brought up to your rooms the night of the storm. I made a small recipe that allows me to know where you are and if you are in trouble etc etc rather tedious really but, Mother was right...you like to get into trouble."  
_

"_MOTHER?…wait…no…that was only four years ago…it cant be, you don't look like him.." she felt sick and light the wounds upon her now starting to reach past the adrenalin that had forced it back before now. Jarin strode over to her and reached for her reclining arm. He held onto her with such a force that Elissa knew better than to try and struggle. He looked at her armour and then her chest; he placed his hands over her stomach and brought his eyes up to her as he chanted a healing spell._

_He tried to read her thoughts from her rapidly blinking eyes and rapid heartbeat; he gave a cough for a laugh and smirked as he released her._

"_No, thank goodness...I am not your kings child. By the fade I would have done myself in years ago if I were." He didn't intend to go further but the relieved glare she gave him made him press on " We all call her mother, she is our light and the way forward. We don't need to fear the wretched Chantry or Templars anymore. There is another life other than being on the run or being a whipped and feared mage toy at the tower"_

"_Why has she done this to me? I am useless now...I can no longer be a grey warden...I have…nothing.." the realisation of the revelation now weighed heavily upon her newly healed chest. _

"_Tis true...but you have something better...a welcoming womb and better life expectancy"_

"_For what? What am I supposed to do with that?"_

"_Get over yourself and marry the foolish blond one, be queen have children like rabbits and generally be grateful"_

"_Grateful? How can I be? Alistair is still tainted; I should look forward to a future in which i watch my loved one leave me for his death? Watch him as I no longer understand why he awakes at night with visions that are ripping his soul apart? I am redundant to his life now even more so than I was before. I don't understand how she could hate me enough to do this…I..."_

"_Hate you? Well I must say we never bargained for that conclusion, which you are jumping at by the way. Have you considered the fact that he will be overjoyed that he no longer has to consider another wife that will keep his bloodline intact on the throne? You are more than capable of doing so now…you are no longer a Grey Warden and the nobles would have no cause to worry about a dual warden hold on the crown?"_

_Elissa considered his words before slumping to the floor. "I...I cannot tell anyone Jarin. How would I explain how this was done? In fact I don't even know how this was done. I just about left Weisshaupt with a reasonable explanation for surviving the Archdemon…this…would have me in stocks if not execution. How do I even begin to tell Alistair?"_

"_How do they know if you do not tell them, you have resigned have you not? Alistair will act like a primitive if you ask me; chuck a few toys out the cradle. Really I don't understand the pedestal you put that boy upon, he doesn't need nobles and advisors he needs a nanny. He is rash and foolish, unable to rule alone and quite frankly he whinges like a washer woman."_

"_YES…but he is my whinging washer woman…I mean...he was, was my whinging washing woman"_

"_So what's the problem? Find another more suitable man…come…we shall do so now."_

"_What?"_

"_I am charged to you, I thought we discussed that. If you do not wish to stay and follow that path…then we should waste no time in leaving now. There is much I wish to learn from you and I will not allow that smelly dwarf to join us...so...lets go.."_

"_Back up, Jarin. WE didn't discuss anything…you brought down my world and then you expect me to huddle up and journey on with you?"_

"_I told you...mother did what she did so that you would.."_

"…_Yes, yes I get that.." she now arose and walked over to Jarin, standing just close enough to make him want to step back "…what I don't understand is why you thought it would be that easy. Morrigan, whether she liked it or not, had been behind the most awful four years of my short life. How I got through it I don't know but one of the main factors of that is the rash and foolish boy who wouldn't take no for an answer and dragged me back to mankind and rational thinking.."_

"…_Yes well I had a lot to do with that too…if I hadn't been there…"_

" _I know! But...I am not just leaving. I will explain to him of all people and see where I stand. I am tired of running and if Morrigan truly believes that I would go through that so I could run away then she was wrong. But I think she knew that…you are a test of hers Jarin. She always did that, throw situations and decisions at me so that she could study how normal people worked outside of the wilds…and she has done so again. Come…"_

_She gestured at Jarin to follow but he stood still arms now folded and his lips crossed with frustration. Elissa had guessed right._

"_Now you can fly or you can walk, but if you are truly bound to me Jarin then I am going back to the castle and you will follow. If you wish to learn, and I believe you do...then this will be your first lesson"_

_She turned her back on him returning to the place she dumped her bow as he gathered up his robes and stomped in a temper tantrum across the leaves and fauna of the forest floor. He huffed and puffed as she sheathed her daggers fighting with himself to get the last word in._

"_Can I just point out to anyone without the mental capacity to realise by now, naming no names…that we are in the fade?"_

Her eyes shot open and her body jolted upright. Jarin stood at the foot of her bed with a pleased and smug look plastered to his magniloquent features.

"Can you turn into a raven here…outside the fade?" Elissa rasped

"I am not limited…wait...is that all you have to ask me after all that?"

"No i have much more to ask you but first you must bring me some clothing"

What a waste of a well-measured fade encounter, Jarin thought to himself as he wondered why he was suddenly now her ladies maid. So this is his education? so far he was not warming to the whole idea.


	10. Andraste

**A/N: WARNING! This chapter makes a few references towards the sexual encounters of our silly two, a reminder that Alistair is a red bloodied man and is once again near the object he desires. Not graphic and not smutty, I hope. Just be warned that the word 'rock' is used…dirty!**

**Thank you to the Followill boys and crew with songs about Milk and Rodeo Kings and all the new fans of this story. This chapter is dedicated to the word 'whilst'…I miss you old friend.**

**CHAPTER 10 - ANDRASTE**

Alistair had left Elissa's chambers feeling like a huge weight had been heaved from his heart leaving it free and much more easy to beat. But something old craved its attention now urging its host to dust off the debris that had gathered pushing his desires too far, too early. He searched through his mind checking the events of the past few hours; eagerly searching to recall if he had said anything that would have offended her or more importantly if she showed any signs of forgiveness. Distant and hopeful signs that she still could look upon him as hers, a smile perhaps, a giggle or even the innocent tuck of a loose curl behind her ear that she did when she got nervous around him, blushing and moving away where he could not follow but allowing him to watch her silhouette through the canvas of her tent. Walking along the corridor he began to undo the leather belt at his waist, fumbling with the loops and clasps he gave up with a sigh, defeated by the simple task choosing instead to get to his rooms as fast as he could.

_He had paced outside her door for an hour before he developed the courage to actually open it, pausing for what seemed like an eternity as he gripped at the door handle. He seemed glad if not nervous to be finally inside and past the strangely over angry and heavily scented mage that guarded the entrance all evening._

The final results of the evening became staggering to his will and morale and he felt a slight spring in his tired feet before he caught himself. He ran his hand through his short dirty blond hair as he made his way back to his own rooms, thankful that the rest of the household were all a slumber and had no sights of him pacing outside like an imbecile and then leaving her rooms looking so dishevelled. He was suddenly glad he had kept the belt on.

He paused and brought his hands down along his flushed cheeks stopping them to hover over his mouth. He toyed with the idea of turning around and returning to her for a few minutes and even grabbed the cold stone wall for support as he turned back to face the direction he had just come. The familiar voice inside him reasoned with his thoughts and wheeled him full circle and back now on a path to his own quarters. He continued onwards along the quiet corridors as the wall-mounted torches began to flicker with his movement aggravating the small gusts of wind the castle corridors pocketed at that time of year.

He walked along mournfully watching the flames flicker thinking about the way they had talked peacefully for hours with only the occasional awkward silence. They had even managed to watch the sunrise before she fell asleep gently and away from him closely tucked in by his feet. Alistair shuddered as he knew that her trust would have to be earned back again and although he had explained it all to her he would have to put in a few years of work even for him to be trusted as a friend. He sighed loudly.

_Idiot_

Trust…building trust again felt like being back at square one and the sudden realisation of the long road ahead for him stung in his chest, it seemed presumptuous to consider that she would give him a road that he might follow and it could still yet be one in a very different direction.

_With each blink of his eye upon her she grew more beautiful as she slept. She was a little paler and thinner but she was still the Elissa he knew and worshipped from afar. Her hair was longer and darker, naturally curling around her shoulders sculpting the outline of her face like a feathered blanket, shielding her from his wanting glare and intentions. He watched her breathing steadily as his own slowed; the rise of her frame peacefully goading his eyes to travel down her arms and take in the sight of her cushioned hips and toned stomach. The nightgown she wore did little to hide her, as he knew all too well what lay underneath it. The time continued to race away as he pulled his stare from its pathway to where her breasts were hidden._

_His mouth felt so dry…_

_He cursed himself and tried to get up and leave but found that he was far too attached to the idea that she had allowed him to be here, what if he left now and he never got another chance to be this close to her? He had relaxed into a familiar peace with her and he relished in it but he gently shook himself to the thought that she wasn't by his side but simply less threatening then when they found her a week before. He tried to balance in his favour the fact that as the truth was finally out there in its painful entirety she hadn't wanted him to leave but could he afford to hold on to that small hope? Was it hope? Maybe it was his own needing to be asleep beside her and not at the opposite end of a stranger's bed? His mind raced with questions and scenarios and he found his hand gripping onto his loose laced collar as his heart shot pangs of pain through his chest, he knew he had no rights to her and when he started this quest he knew she would never be his again...but he still could not shake the feeling that she looked at him like she used to, a twinkle of embarrassment and shyness wrapped up with a smile that knew he would do anything for her…even leave her._

_That terrible decision will always outweigh anything good._

He tried in vain to rid himself of the bad feelings creeping over his gut and willed himself back to focus on his suspicions in her facial expressions and mannerisms towards him in her room, the tone of her voice the position of her hands… If she hated him all these years for spurning her so…then she must still carry around her the love that bore it surely?

He reprimanded himself, just the thought made him dizzy. She had awakened this yearning inside him when they had first decided to lie with each other all those years ago and he still had not managed to switch it off. They both knew that there would be no going back or no others.

First and last…first and only. That was the plan.

They continued to explore and grow with each encounter, educating each other in desires and daylong fantasies, eager for nighttimes and the campsite they made a home. She had turned his shy and ignorant chantry boy into a man who would have needs for her until he took his last breath.

_He was struggling with being so close; he never saw this coming and her earthly scent wafted past and over him as she slept, reminding him…taunting him. He felt like he couldn't afford to smile, too poor to attempt it and yet he tried to stop his mouth spreading into a fevered grin as she slept near him, his body trembling with the rekindled feelings and failing restraint to not reach out and touch the leg that was closest to him. He wondered if one kiss would be too much to ask and he pulled back his stuttering hand as his sinking heart answered the question for him._

A kiss on her lips never ended at that, he was always left with a longing and hungry need to swoop her up and carry her off. It was always made worse by her returning gestures granting him permission to take her as wildly as he would like. He could never remember a time when he had not caught her eyes across a room without wanting to stride across and claim her as his, marking his territory from all the other circling vultures. She was his little bit of nobility covered in dirt and armed with a pair of bloodied daggers charming all with her beautiful smile. People would look to her as he watched her grow from a Teyrns daughter to a mover of men. They would listen to her stirring words and he would feel the room light up with inspired confidence and determination, and all the time he should have been listening…he wanted only to silence her with his mouth.

_That passion_…

Passionate never quite covered how they used to be and even in the darkness of the deep roads he had wanted nothing more than to cradle her up and press her body against any rock that would support them as he took her. The heat between them always glistened, as they became one, panting and stifling moans with hands and lips trying to silence yells of sensual fulfilment before they echoed through the tense and lust saturated air. When they were done and their bodies could not take holding it off any longer they would succumb to the waiting white light of devotion and a life-promising climax. And he never tired of it.

_I want her…_

This same usual memory tortured him as well as comforted him in the past yet it became more real every time it visited. This was his punishment and one he would have taken gladly had he not laid eyes on her again. Now that he had, the burning need for her returned with a vengeance and any hope that he dangled in front of his soul could only be seen as more self-indulged pain. By telling himself that there was no chance he was protected from her rebuttal of his still warm and smouldering affections towards her.

After she left, Alistair tried his best to carry on as normal, saving his despair for his private rooms. To everyone else he would be the normal Alistair but his refection would always see that he was lonely and in pain. His heart was just as cracked as hers must have been but he had to remain strong. He did not have the luxury to take his frustration out on straggling Darkspawn and even when Vigils Keep was under siege three years ago he rushed from the battle back to where nothing could remind him of her so easily. He had half hoped to find her six months after they had parted but she was not there. She had gone to Orlais and a replacement had been fetched to take her place, a weak replacement he was found to be. Amaranthine was now lost and slowly starting to rebuild whilst the keep had taken an even worse battering than it had before he arrived. He learnt then how much his country needed her and that in comparison to her; a king was but a figurehead to wear on a coin. At his request the wardens returned to Highever as the last of the surrounding villagers moved further a-field to Denerim and Redcliffe. Elissa was sent back to take over her old role in her old home and five months after she arrived the people flocked back to their burnt out homes in the surrounding villages rebuilding with pride before the coming winter. Wasting no time Elissa had left for Orzammer two months after the winter past and no word had been heard from Highever of her whereabouts. Reports had ceased from the wardens completely and the officials Denerim had sent were frozen out. He would have feared the worst but Highever did not seem worried at all it seemed that she was still in contact with them at least. Five months flew past and a report from the kings own guard informed Denerim that a small army of men and wardens were spotted manoeuvring over the Imperial Huy and toward the Coastlands, without a moment to lose he mounted a small band of men and headed North.

A week later and she was now in Redcliffe, enlightened to the evil behind her last four years and sleeping peacefully in a room seven doors down from him…could it be that easy?

He opened the door to his rooms and hurriedly shut it behind him, gripping onto the wooden panels pushing it closed. He began to breath in the cooler chamber that was to hold him for the rest of that night and he fought with everything he had to not go back and tell her how he felt. Images of her broken and wrecked body in his arms outside the castle returned to pacify any positive encounters that going back to her room might end in.

He slowly released his grip from the door and took a step forward. He knew he would be staying there now and the look of terror on his face turned into relief, he had won a very small victory and a small part of him was proud. He made a beeline for his turned down bed and slumped down stretching his legs in front of him attempting to remove his boots by the heels of the opposite feet. He pulled his shirt up and over his head discarding it to the floor to rest with his now limp footwear.

He ran his hands over his stiff and tense neck feeling every inch as tired as he should be when his eyes suddenly caught his field bedroll upon a large wooden table decorated with various paperwork maps and books. He took a deep breath in and stood; stepping over his now drabbled clothing he made his way over to the large white roll of cotton and leather. He looked it over and saw that the tight wraps that held it strong and securely rolled had not been tampered with and his eyes closed lightly as if to pray that the quarry he always stashed there would still be so. He reached into the middle with an eager hand and searched out for a slight bump in the material.

With a sudden grasp upon a small cold item his eyes whipped open and he pulled his hand and wrist out clutching a small treasure that brought a waft of joy over his troubled features. No matter what happened, or what event would always tick away at him and remove an inch of his good nature, this item would always be there, tucked within his bedroll or bedside cabinet. Every night it would come out and every morning it would go back. He unrolled his fist and brought his other hand up to support a slight silver neck chain and its tattered locket. He traced the cracks of the delicate repairs and the original outlines of his mothers locket as he always did and walked intuitively back to his bed. He sat once more and played with the lockets clasp that he held so delicately in his hand, he opened its heart and was greeted by an aged women's smiling portrait proudly guarding a single tiny rose petal that sat loosely in the open space opposite it. The two symbols held so much power over him and as he glanced lovingly at his mother's image watching over a salvaged rose-petal, he shut the locket and blew the candle out next to his bed. Still gripping on to it carefully he laid his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. Whatever monster was creeping around inside him trying to pollute his chances at happiness once more, would not win tonight, not as long as he had the locket…and a symbol of what would never be broken. Dying memories of the evening now faded away as he fell slowly into the fade and to sleep.

_As he moved to sit back down on the bed reassuring her that he was not leaving Redcliffe he watched as she manically tried to tuck a lose curl behind her ear, pushing herself backwards to the far end of the bed fighting not to blush…allowing him room to sit and keep her company._

"There it is!" he shouted as his eyes flew open

"There it is!"

**U:U:U:U:U:U:**

The dining room within Redcliffe castle was smaller than you would presume. When the Guerin's were not entertaining huge banquets or festivals the new Arlessa would move the dining room to one of the smaller back rooms that they now occupied. A large six seated carved wooden table stood in the middle and the serving trays and stands stood to the back by the doors and windows, flowers were in abundance but did nothing to hide the smell of the Arl's daily intake of smoked kipper. Leliana sat to the left of her husband who played with his dish and took the top seat, Alistair had no intentions of reworking the seating arrangements and whilst the seat was offered to him he declined and chose to sit opposite Leliana instead. A place was laid at the end of the table but not yet taken and Alistair stared at it with concern as Leliana probed the reasoning behind the sudden bizarre outing the king had planned for their captive that afternoon.

"Fishing? Alistair you plan to ask Elissa, to go fishing with you? Why on earth would any woman say yes to that?"Alistair prized his eyes from the far seat and grabbed at a piece of buttered toast that had gone cold before him.

"Yes. Don't look at me like I am insane, Leliana, I can feel your boggled eyes and they are indeed chilling. She needs normalcy and I hear that fishing is about as normal and peaceful as you can get"

"For a man, yes." She giggled in amazement.

"Could she skewer you with a fishing rod do you think?" Tegan's input silenced the room and a serving boy placing eggs upon the sideboard dropped the hot containers lid in astonishment to the outcome of his eavesdropping, the clang of its metal upon the stone floor rang out and highlighted the shock of the question.

Leliana and Alistair stopped eating their breakfast and stared at Teagan with disbelief.

"Oh do come on, you are all thinking it."

"I can assure you, dear husband I am not" Leliana replied, a tiny dot of rage bubbling beneath her calm surface. "I have warned you about listening to court gossip and will remind you that she is…calm. You know her more than any of those stuffy children at court; trust me, your concerns of fishing rod genocide are not warranted. Ask Alistair. Did she not seem fine when you left her this morning?"

Leliana winked at Alistair as his head whipped up in surprise at her question. Nothing ever got past her it would seem. A giggle was heard from a serving girl behind Teagan and Leliana put on her official face as her stunned and misunderstanding husband gave her a silent stare of restraint. She scrunched up her nose indicating that they would be fine to serve themselves from now and as the door closed behind the last servant, Leliana returned to her line of questioning. Always one for romantic kindling and gossip she quite clearly had made her mind up to fix the void in which her two close friends had fallen. Alistair looked at her with pity at first and then back to his breakfast before she could read that it would be hopeless to even try. He always thought her worldly and wise in the way of hurt and betrayal but now he wondered if she saw hope with the two of them, Then perhaps she was just naieve.

"She was asleep when I arrived and asleep when I left." He grunted.

"That's not what Jarin says"

"Jarin?"

"The Mage who saved her life"

"Yes...well he is weird and smells like a woman's laundry draw. Never trust a man who wears more jewellery than you do."

"Mature comeback as always Alistair"

The two grinned at each other across the table as children would whilst they teased each other and Teagan decided it was a good time to display his own feelings on the matter.

"So the waters have not yet been tested? Tread carefully Alistair"

"All is resolved Teagan, trust me there will be no bludgeoning with bait...just fishing." Alistair brushed his words off and carried on with his breakfast.

"If you say so, just…be careful" Teagan was not convinced.

"I saw her skewer a tainted rat with her toothbrush once...maybe we should make that item contraband too…fishing rods and toothbrushes" Alistair said stuffing his third round of toast into his mouth and dabbing it lightly with a napkin.

"Did she indeed, well the cook would love to see how she did that!"

Alistair smiled as Leliana joined the teasing. The red head folded her own napkin and placed it on her empty plate, folding her arms and locking her probing eyes on Alistair.

"So…would you like to be alone on this escapade or do you require company?"

Alistair smirked

"Now…are you asking for my safety, Arlessa? or are you worried that we will come back with grass stains? Maybe you are hoping perhaps? Hopeless romantic aren't you? Not everything can be fixed with a dashing smile and a white horse you know. And I should know my smile is the most dashing."

"Well, it definitely will not if you take her fishing Alistair! She may very well live on the road and camp with men but she is a woman after all. You never did capture seduction, I wager that she will not go fishing...try hunting or…"

"…What has romance or seduction to do with recuperation, my love?" Teagan interrupted eager to have this matter come to a close. He truly did wish she would not get so involved in what was now a matter of state. Alistair's betrothal was being bid on in the most noble houses of Ferelden and putting support behind a player that was in no way favoured would place the Guerins in a sticky situation indeed. "That is all it is, let us not get carried away. Alistair said he is taking her for some fresh air and peace and I for one think that a good idea. Leave the man alone my dear…have some more porridge"

Teagan watched the two as he pushed the smoked fish around on his plate pretending not to notice his wife silently fume as she glared at him. Teagan had to admit that Alistair did look better this morning he seemed almost free but he hoped it was not false hope that dwindled in his mind. Being in love is one thing but an attachment to Elissa was to be a battle for his official posting and anyone else who agreed. The court would not take the news of the king and Elissa being alone and at Redcliffe very well and he was sure that his name was mud already. He knew all too well what the fishing idea was all about. The lake beside the castle was secluded and empty after the morning rush for supplies, and its serene and picturesque surroundings were perfect for trying to get closer and gaining some lost ground. Alistair was king but still a man and Teagan grunted as he thought that he would have done exactly the same thing if it were he.

"How long do we have the pleasure of your company, Alistair?"

"As long as they like Teagan" Leliana answered rapidly.

"Do you mean my company Teagan or Elissa's?" Alistair could feel his agitation climbing up the hairs on the back of his neck. What had this woman done that would turn the ones she helped by laying down her life for them against her? He was sick of hearing this from the ones that he trusted.

Teagan dabbed at his mouth and leant back into his chair before looking Alistair straight in the eyes.

"Very well. Elissa's."

"Teagan!" Leliana was aghast. Had her husband forgotten so easily how close a friend she was to her?

"Please Leliana, you even felt the wrath of her anger last night. The staff are on edge and the king here is pining away over the wrong woman!"

"Wrong woman? Please do tell us who the right woman for me is. Do you have a stake on the poor brats they have lined up for me back at Denerim? What have you to lose by allowing me to do with my own life what I please? Eamon was fine with my wishes so why not you?" Alistair had now risen from his seat and was leaning towards a seated and regretful Teagan, fury pouring out of him and upon the seated Arl who listened to the words with shame "The staff are on edge because their 'Hero of Ferelden' was at deaths door in their own home after _they_ themselves dragged _her_ in to it! She had ordered them to stand down and they did not…for her own good! What? You think so little of her that you conclude they are frightened of her? Teagan…what has happened to you? Who has rattled from my eyes the man I sought out to help me?"

Teagen gripped at the chairs arms regretting having started the conversation, he thought of all the names listed on the courting registrar but even he could not find one that wasn't selfish, spoilt or rotten. Alistair was right, again and as he played with apologies in his head the dining room door shot open and slammed backwards into the tea chest that used to sit so prettily as an ornamental piece of furniture beside it.

"My…L-Liege and L-Lord…"

A portly man dressed in green grabbed at his heavy chest trying to grab the breaths that would relay the message he was so desperate to deliver.

"Good grief Barrett…spit it out man!" Teagan leaped from his chair and raced to the messenger in obvious distress. Alistair moved towards them and Leliana grabbed at her skirt folds ready to jump into the action she was sure accompanied this interruption.

"Grey Wardens…a company of Grey Wardens... is r-riding towards us. They have sent word ahead to get things ready for their arrival Sire and with it this message for the King…oh I f-forgot to b-bow" The overweight messenger tried in vain to bow and ended up collapsing with the effort. Alistair rushed forward before the portly herald got himself into further medical trouble and relieved the scroll that was being waved manically towards him.

"Don't worry about that man, rest. A company of Grey Wardens, how many exactly?"

Alistair's mind was working overtime what on earth was a gathering of wardens doing in Ferelden; maybe they were Highever greys in search of their old leader? He hoped so. He unwound the parchment and read the short message within.

_The Second Warden of Orlais and Seneschal to Orlais Tahret Fregain_

_Requests an audience with the peoples king of Ferelden and Grey Warden Alistair Theirin. Please note that the presence of Warden Commander Elissa Cousland is also demanded and the issue is forced upon _

_her by any means should she decline. _

"Fifteen your highness including the second warden from Orlais."

"Orlais? Alistair what does this mean?" Teagan sounded wary of an Orlesian army travelling so freely on Ferelden soil.

"I do not know Teagan, this troubles me as much as you. Leliana…wake Elissa and ready her. Tell her what and who is coming and show her this, she will understand. Teagan…we have some arrangements to make and I truly do need to know now whose side you are on."

Leliana did not wait to hear the conversation between her husband and Alistair. She jumped over the exhausted messenger and straight up the hallway to the stairwell and second floor.

"My king? I am wounded that you need to ask, forgive my intrusions they are born only out of concern for you."

Alistair placed a hand on Teagan's shoulder as he reassured him that this new news brought forgiveness and an end to their earlier disputes, this should have made Teagan happy yet it left a foreboding sensation in his gut.

"I know that Teagan but I need you to uphold her claim on her role in Denerim. Side with her if I ...if I am not here and keep her focused guiding her as an Arlessa, you will find the documents in my saddle bags upstairs…swear it to me, as a friend and not your king."

"I swear it, but Alistair I do not understand, why would you leave?"

"Before King, Teagan, I am first a Warden and one who does not defy a second warden…which I feel I may be about to do. Let us just hope that I don't drag Ferelden down with me, remember her for what she did here four years ago…what she would do again for you even if you kicked out after I was gone."

"All for a woman? Alistair…no"

"No, not for a woman…for her! She _is_ Ferelden! do you not see it Teagan? A noble born who shed her roots and dug in with the very poorest of us! Every Dwarf, Elf, Mage man and woman owe her something and they depend on her so much that they look to her to show them the way. If I died tomorrow they would move someone else in and only record my name in a history book but if you take her away…they would crumble, build statues to her and mourn her yearly. Ferelden is not done with her yet…and you know it, she is their Andraste, Teagan!"

The words began to sink in and Teagan stuttered in confidence but a sudden understanding gripped at his instructions." I do not know why they are coming here, Alistair, but I feel as you do that she will not want to go with them… and if she does not...I will not make her"

Alistair beamed at Teagan and they laughed nervously each grabbing a struggling arm of the collapsing messenger so as to pull him back to his panting feet.

"I swear it" Teagan finally uttered as Alistair nodded his approval back at him in a silent thank you.

"Good…now, lets get this man and me some morning mead, Maker knows I am going to need it"


	11. Wardens

**NOTE: Hello all, it's been some while and I apologise. I cannot even begin to tell you what life has had in store for me over the last few months and I apologise if the following work is perhaps not up to your standards or perhaps even mine, I wanted to write so badly and as the followers still mounted in my inbox I felt obliged to embrace Elissa and Alistair once more, thank you for following and pushing me to continue xxx**

**Added note: Was not pleased at all with my first release so this is a re-write / edit. Fussy is my middle name.**

CHAPTER 11 - WARDENS

As the large oak door to Elissa's chamber threw itself open an energetic crawl of early morning cold air suddenly swept in and across the tiled floor of Elissa's room. It rushed in and over the occupants hardened-leather covered feet and along the stone sparse floor coverings to smother the small fire that had been lit by a plenitude of hurried and harassed servants, mere minutes earlier.

The chambers occupant instinctively raised her head as her hands went for the weapons that would normally have been by her side. Upon sudden realisation that she was defenceless, Elissa aptly sighed a breath of relief as she found that it was Leliana and not, as it had been for the previous mornings, an enemy or threat that was not on her agenda. The Seasoned scout did not flinch but motioned her head slightly to the shadows by the window behind her, releasing her guard a little she muttered an instruction through her pert and practised lips to a shift in the shadows.

"Stand down Jarin"

As if he had been introduced the strange and decadent mage stepped out of the seemingly comfortable shadows and slowly let his hands fall to his slender waist, his robes shuffling delicately as he raised his chin in annoyance at the sudden interruption.

Leliana

She had suddenly burst into Elissa's room with all the enthusiasm and decorum of a docksy in a chantry. Elissa watched with friendly amusement as Leliana paused for a moment and gripped the side of the freshly swung door for support while gaining her momentum and some composure. The retired Bard caught a passing breath and in doing so managed to notice that the mage she had appointed to tend to Elissa was hovering behind her old friend with a point of disdain upon his magniloquent brow. She found herself suspiciously beginning to wonder why he was in her rooms once again and she ran her cautious gaze over Elissa noticing that she looked better than before, healthy and wonderfully less spiteful in demeanour and more to the point, not in need of any further healing or attention. She started to push her instincts backwards as she decided that she should be grateful to Jarin and not as naturally suspicious as the hairs on the back of her trained neck instructed her to be. Her mind began to prickle with scenarios as she clumsily tried to tidy her reddened appearance. She swiped hurriedly at her hair, which had flattened itself untidily to her sweaty face and patted at the dress that had caught in its pleats. As she stood aside from the open door Leliana began to feel presentable enough to continue with her small mission hurrying her fingers through her hair glimpsing Jarin out the corner of her eye running his long and funnily well-manicured hands over the beginnings of his beard with his eyes searching her face for her thoughts.

"What is wrong Leliana?"

Elissa's voice pulled her from her thoughts and back into the small and warm room.

"Grey Wardens…here… Maker those stairs are too much in between floors, you think not?"

"Grey Wardens? here? How many? Is one a girl...mute? Has a message from Denerim arrived with them at all, do you know?" Elissa interrupted with a bombardment of questions not bothering to join Leliana in her assessment of the stair quantity within Redcliffe Castle.

"hmmm well... Yes Grey wardens, Here ..i have no idea and...mute?"

Leliana answered all the quesyions thrown at her without taking a pause but then watched as the weathered soldier took the news in a different way then she had expected, were they a rescue party for a seemingly kidnapped Grey Warden? Maybe Teagan was right and a small army of Grey Wardens were going to wreak revenge on Ferelden for the insult? She thought that she would perhaps be pleased that her old comrades were coming as she had threatened the previous night but if that was the case then the shadow of worry that crept over Elissa's face in small ebbs did not back the theory up.

Elissa paced slowly, seemingly deep in a fretful chain of thought and her one time companion found it a little odd but soothing and perhaps to her own advantage. She was glad to have been chosen to run this message up, but the pace she sped off with was not for Elissa's concern, having foreign shore wardens arrive at Redcliffe was very bad…for her.

"Lel, were they Highevers, Antivians or Orlesians? It is very important! Is there anything that you know?"

Elissa's questioning was precise and direct, she stepped forward and stiffened her back as Leliana paused for a moment and tried to search the facts suddenly, and not for the first time this week, desperate to give her an answer.

"I am not too sure but I know the majority are Orlesian. We were waiting for you to come down to breakfast and Alistair was telling me you were going fishing…"

"Fishing?"

"Yes…fishing, I know, boring I agree. I suggested Hunting or…"

"Lel…"

"Yes sorry, anyway we were waiting for you to come down and a messenger suddenly arrived with this message for Alistair"

Leliana handed over the now scrunched up paper that she had forgotten about in all the hurry. Elissa smoothed at it and stared at the red seal that had been broken. She watched as a crimp of fright crawled over her old friends features only to be replaced with an equal amount of suspicion and anger at the griffon that was stamped on the melted red wax. She prized her eyes from her assessment and threw her attention on the mage who stood silently behind Elissa like an elongated shadow, a cold shadow that prompted her to draw her thin shawl closer around her shoulders. She felt that he knew all to well that his presence would not be requested at that point and the feeling that he was crawling around her thoughts unnerved her. A sudden and unwelcome recollection forced its way forward and she realised that the mage who had all too readily attached himself to her recovering friend, had miraculously arrived at Redcliffe only a few days before Elissa did yet it somehow had felt like he had been here forever.

"Jarin...if we are keeping you I am sure you may be excused Her Ladyship is looking much more better now and we thank you for your service" Leliana was eager to speak with Elissa about a separate matter and as the rooms door was still open she did not understand why the mage had not excused himself and gone yet.

"No. He stays" Elissa spoke tensely now as she threw the message into the fire that was slowly dying out.

"If you wish Elissa, but are you still unwell?" This was becoming stranger the redhead thought; it must be some form of witchery afoot! She took a step forward as Elissa gripped onto the fire's mantle inhaling sharply before carrying on in a whisper. What was in that letter? She silently berated herself for not peeking.

"No…sorry, Leliana I am fine but I have decided to take Jarin on as my staff now if you don't mind? He mentioned to me that he was only passing through Redcliffe and I have need of a Mage with healing abilities"

"No…not at all. But Elissa I confess there is one more thing I must discuss with you…in private"

Elissa snapped out of the docile daze she had sunk into whilst focusing on the burning letter in the flames, each curl of fire seemed to talk at her and teh frown on her brow became worse. Leliana looked as Elissa bit down on her bottom lip and sighed as the old memories of her firend came back with a pleasant warmth.

"Elissa?"

Elissa snapped her head around turning her face to Leliana. Sudden traces of age began to creep at the corners of her eyes and mouth and Leliana's heart suddenly jolted from warmth to worry as she was left wondering how much battle one person had to see to be so worn by responsibility and hardening. The lines of tiredness gently relaxed and disappeared as a smile began to form on Elissa's face…Leliana always pictured her this way in her memories, as this was how she always was until ...

"Yes, Sorry...Of course Lel, Jarin please wait for me outside" Elissa looked briefly at the mage and then immediately back to Leliana, she did not expect any comments from her new staff member and made it clear that she wouldn't listen even if he did. They seemed to have a bond that worked well already Leliana considered; it had only been one night had it not?

Jarin seethed in his movements towards the door , making it clear he was not leaving without his opinion being heard "Oh of course…I will just be waiting outside until you find some use of me, I have nothing of my own importance to do but hang around in a drafty corridor waiting with baited breath that you might find something exciting for me to do"

The door shut loudly and Leliana look bewildered at it as it closed whilst Elissa rushed to her drying travel bags and rifled through looking for certain items.

"Does he not seem familiar to you, Elissa?"

"Leliana. I wanted to…to apologise for anything that I have said to you...before. I was not myself and…well…I…am…sorry"

Elissa looked shame faced and away as she continued to pull at the dirty and creased Warden tabard within her pack.

"Elissa…you need never say that to me. I know what heartbreak is and what it does. But I need something from you now and I feel awful to ask but I have no other choice. The wardens that come… they are Orlesians..."

"Yes, unfortunately…sorry I meant no offence"

"Oh none taken I assure you. Having lived here for this long and in this role I find myself somewhat of a born again Ferelden, my mother was of this region and it feels so right that I am back here. I would do anything to keep it that way…anything."

Elissa looked up and saw that Leliana was struggling with her request. Her interest piqued and she grabbed hold of the tabard and stood giving it a shake. Grass and mud fell from it and the smell of wet saddlebags lifted from it and around the room. Leliana took a step towards her and removed the tabard from her hands.

"I have Mages that can have that clean in no time…"

"Ah yes…and so do I now" they both laughed together and Leliana gave the tabard back.

"Before you and I met, you know what I did yes?"

"Yes?"

"Most of our…how shall we say, clients? Were Orlesian noble men, hungry and greedy creatures that wanted more land and sometimes the women of the men I was sent to, how shall i say, dispose of? One of the men who used our services the most was a particularly vile landowner who had climbed his way up the ladder and held on to the title of regent within the Orlesian court. This was the man who willingly tortured me on behalf of Marjolaine and well…his name was Tahret Fregain."

"Leliana…"

"He is on his way here and if he sees me then Teagan will know and…and…"

Leliana broke down in tears at Elissa's feet. The desperation seemed to leak from her eyes and onto the warming tiles upon the floor. Elissa crouched down beside her old friend and removed the tails of skirt currently being used as a cloth to smooth away the tears that fell.

"Leliana. On my word as your friend I will deal with this, dry your eyes and remember who you are _now_ and not _then_. As an Arlessa it is your job to stare down men like Fregain with dignity and strength, Women are the strong rods that keep the men of our lands upright and your grit must be solid and firm. This man will not be staying long and you can trust me when I say without lecture intended…you know that one day you must tell Teagan but on your own terms not a man like Fregains"

Leliana sobbed in silence as she looked up at her friend standing above her suddenly strong and straight. Elissa had often spoke to her of her mother and the tower of dignified power that she was as Teyrna. She began to calm as she pondered on telling her how proud she would have been of her but as soon as the happy thought appeared in her heart the black weight of nobility gripped at her stomach.

"Oh Elissa, those devils at court have been trying to find something ill about me since we married. I never go to Denerim for fear of just this happening…what will I do? Fregain is a vicious man and I can not believe he is a Grey Warden!"

"Indeed Leliana, Indeed… You are not alone on that thought. And believe me this winter day is about to get colder for it."

**: U:U:U:U:U:U:U:U**

The main reception room at Redcliffe looked like it was bursting with Grey wardens and as Alistair quickly left his title of king at the door with any servants or guards that demanded to come in with him, his gaze wandered around the room as more continued to enter behind him.

_A company of wardens, eh?_ He wondered, very much doubting it running his finger edgily around the base of his neck. He had decided to attend in armour and the coif at his neck reminded him that it had been a while.

He began to wonder if Highever had any Wardens left in it as a few more piled into the tiny reception hall. He glanced around trying to look less nervous and instead tried to distinguish the Ferelden Greys from the fancy and shiny Orlesian baubles that mingled in-between the ones Alistair had mentally separated in his mind. A fair few gruff and grubby wardens stood in small groups together and Alistair found himself rather proud but yet saddened that the obvious Ferelden's saw much more action and hardship then the brand spanking new comrades that greasily slid in amongst them, classic party break up manoeuvres he thought, someone wanted to keep them apart from each other…and silent.

The Ferelden armour was polished to what could be passed as acceptable but they seemed so battle worn and aged, presentation far from their minds as they worried about who was minding the keep. Last time they took a step back in defence talking Darkspawn flooded in and all over Vigils Keep, something is truly wrong for this many to be present and he wondered glumly if Elissa would have allowed such numbers to leave.

Elissa…

He was shook from his brief endeavour into a fond memory conjured by a simple name and stood open mouthed as Oghren bumbled in closely followed by a warden he remembered vaguely from his presence at Vigils keep, an apostate by the name of Anders if he remembered correctly. He waved a slight hand at Oghren and the strangely sober Dwarf made his way over to him whilst the blond mage made his way to a harassed bunch of wardens by the bookshelves on the far corner of the packed room.

"What are you doing here? You know Elissa is on her way down, she may want to skin you alive!" Alistair hissed at the Dwarf.

"Nah she would have forgotten about that"

"We don't all forget what we did when we were drunk and I am not talking about that… She did not know you were a warden, remember and I am sure she would not have followed you willingly had she done!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist boy…"

"Boy? Still, Oghren? Not your majesty? Your highness? or even perhaps I don't know, Alistair?""

"Wardens have no titles boy," Oghren laughed as he grabbed a passing goblet of wine

"Yes well…go easy on that I have a really bad feeling about this"

" 'Aye. Your not alone…Just keep an eye on the doors and all possible…exits"

"What do you mean?"

Alistair followed Oghren's busy gaze and saw that several of the scruffy wardens nodded slightly over to him and then to each other before turning back to looking interested in the conversation they had found themselves in.

"My liege…W-W-Warden Theirin?" a small voice made an even smaller cough at his side snapping him from his thoughts.

"Erm…yes that would be me wouldn't it?" he missed the name, the simple name that envisaged simple times. He longed for the day when he was happy roughing it and trekking through muddy marshes for any sign of Darkspawn. He breathed as he answered with a heavy heart realising that the lack of title suited him a lot better.

"The second warden wondered if Lady Cousland...that is Warden Commander Cousland had been notified of our arrival?" The short man looked like he had been dunked in a barrel of water. By the looks of him Alistair could tell that the new company of Wardens must have drudged through the deluges left over from the heavy nightfall of rain the night before. What a hurry they made for such a small matter of dissention in the ranks, Elissa may be many things in the way of difficult to control…but for the Wardens she would have done anything. A sudden feeling of dread crept over his stomach as he found a fresh new Elissa related worry to ponder over. He was starting to miss the humdrum decisions of court that had kept him busy for the last few years.

Alistair noticed a few beads of sweat begin to appear on the small mans brow.

"She has…but she is no longer warden commander. This seems like some form of war council...should she or we even need to be present?"

"**SHE** has not the right to resign from such a post. It is not something you can decide you no longer wish to do!" boomed a harsh voice from behind him. Alistair turned and was greeted by a sour and aged face. The voice that bit at his neck rang in tones of Orlesian dryness and magniloquence, Alistair almost felt like jumping back as the haggard and bitter presence that had slid out before him leaning closer with a sneering and inspecting glare. Orlesians, by default, were addicted to all things fancy, expensive and new. The country was in constant motion and new fads and devices to better one's neighbours were always in abundance. Faces would be painted with elaborate beauty spots and teeth were prevented from early signs of aging by the method of dabbing, a strange and painful inking procedure used widely in the courts and throne rooms of their sovereign and paranoid state. The fidgety and fretful warden that had first appeared at Alistair's side now began to pant with nerves as he hurriedly rushed to introduce the boiled Orlesian cabbage that was trying its hardest to remind Alistair that in this room at this time…he was not a king.

"Warden Theirin, this is second warden Fregain."

"Ah…enchanted of course" Alistair nodded his head in a mock greeting. For the first time since he was crowned king, he missed the small pleasure he could have in stuffing his title up the backside of this opinionated pretend soldier who showed no signs of leaving anytime soon.

"Where is she, Theirin?"

"Who?"

"Cousland. I know she is here. As Warden Commander she should have been there to greet me upon arrival"

"Ah, well you see that's where the problem lies…she is no longer Warden commander. I believe she resigned."

"Resigned? Resigned? YOU DO NOT RESIGN… from the wardens! Her arrogance is shocking. She is too much like that Val Royeaux thief! But shake her from it we will…" Tahret Fregain leaned in closer as Alistair fought to contain the snarl that crept at his lips "…mark …my…words"

If Alistair harboured any ill will to this man before now it was doubled by the insult to Duncan. Elissa knew him for what seemed like a brief moment but his impact upon her life as he brought her to that fateful day in Ostagar was firm. His only solace was the image of what Elissa would have done to this odious creature had she heard him say it and as his hand began to loosen from the hilt of his sword he felt the small but rough and heavy hand of Oghren suddenly appear on his arm. The universal sign of biding washed over him and as Fregain grinned a black and painted smile at him basking in what he saw as a victory he stepped backwards and away to a group of Warden officials in the centre of the room. Alistair watched Fregain retell the incident with flamboyant exaggeration to his Orlesian colleagues. He had put a king in his place but if anything Alistair had bought time for Elissa and whatever it was she was doing.

Oghren was on hand to soften the humble blow he took.

"Steady boy…All is in hand, and believe me she has enough mouth for the both of 'ya"

"Yes well, for once, I wish she would hurry up and bring that gift of the gab downstairs now."

"Making ' em wait she is. They may be the fancy armour wasting higher's…but she is in control laddy. Don't you worry boy…all will be righted" Alistair grabbed a goblet from a passing steward and watched as Oghren nodded at a strangely quiet Anders and then stood silently and patiently staring at the wooden doors at the far end of the room.

Whatever Elissa was up to…began to worry Alistair, again.

**: U:U:U:U:U:U:U:U**

"You shrunk this on purpose"

"It looks better that way, you have a waist and you should show it."

"I am a Grey Warden not a dancing girl!" Elissa fidgeted with her tabard "I wish I could recall if I ever felt a grey wardens presence, what if they cannot sense the taint within me?"

"Stay close beside me and it will not be a problem. They will sense me and not you instead"

"What do you mean they will sense you instead?"

"Why must we have the most tedious of conversations when there is always something more important that needs to be done. Always talking always asking. How you ever defeated an arch demon is beyond me? What did you do talk it to death?"

"And must you always waste the time you could have told me by launching into a long tirade of catty spill?"

"Hmm touché."

"Spit it out"

"I have tainted essence within my blood."

"You have tainted blood?"

"My mother, she was a grey warden."

"A grey warden?"

"Yes…listen will you insist on repeating everything I say or could we just go in the room and get this done already? I am eager to…you know…be elsewhere and not at your beck and call. That is, of course, if you can find your own garments and random lost objects which you say needs to be pinned onto you. I mean it really is too much, how do you manage to do any actual fighting with all that bravado adjacent to your chest? "

"You did it again, it would have taken less time for you to answer my question than insult my armour, Jarin. And if you think I am fooled by your babbling distraction, you are mistaken. Why are you coming in with me anyway?"

"And miss this...not likely" Jarin snorted in amazed amusement

"Jarin, IF I make it out of this room then we will discuss the tainted blood issue…right now, we have a room of highly ranked grey wardens who, I presume are not here because of my resignation. It is not going to be pretty and I will probably end up leaving without my head…or as a warden commander again. You are not to react in any form, no fire cones, blasts or boiling blood spells or general transmutations do you understand?"

"Why are they so confused over your self demotion anyway? It is not as if half of you do not cark it before you start anyway"

"I..know things Jarin, my decision to leave Highever was not always because of…they just were not ok? Now agree to my terms"

Jarin exaggerated a long exasperated breath and twisted his mouth with a fold of his arms. He thought it highly unlikely they would be able to go up against him and her being dead would be highly inconvenient to him. She was taking the fun out of his life, she wasn't specific in her forbiddance and he began to get a black chill up his spine thinking of all the spells she hadn't ruled out, Elissa read the curl on his lips.

"Strike that...any spells…any!"

Jarin was flummoxed and becoming even more inpatient.

"You would let them tell you what to do, even though it is not your wish? How strange and weak"

" Weak to one man and selfless for many. It is a shame that you could never understand why I would, maybe you will…we shall see but Jarin, I am serious, the moment you pipe up or interject with anything they will seek your path. They will have High Mages and enchanters in there among their ranks. They will know that your unorthodox make at home spells are not regulation chantry passed recipes of BOOM!. They will know right away that you are an apostate and it wont be as easy as you think to lay waste to the room."

"I could you know"

"Yes I am sure you could. You really are an annoying little man aren't you? Agree to my terms or you can scatter back upstairs and stroke your ego a little more, because I am not going to do it."

"Very well you harpy"

"And I love you too. Now...lets get this over with shall we? I will have to tell Alistair afterwards. This is going to be a sodding awful day and to top it off…I am to go fishing."

**:U:U:U**

The doors opened and closed as Elissa walked into the room, Alistair felt the tension straight away. He found his eyes gripping on to her presence and the feeling in his stomach at the mere vision of her made his knees want to give way. The power that radiated from her was overwhelming, he had not seen her in such a light since...he pushed the thought from his mind and wiped the tiny beads of teenage romance from his brow. He slunk slightly backagainst the wall Oghren had manouvered him into and watched as Elissa laid one hand lightly on her belt swaying without fear into the middle of the room. He was not surprised; she always faced things head on.

His love had only got stronger and the twisting sensation in his gut was becoming worse.

"So, she has decided to grace us with her presence does she not? The insolence" Tahret Fregain stomped his small weight down a few steps where he had previously stood flouting a white handkerchief below his nose in protest at the stench of lower civilisation around him.

"Forgive me Seneschal. I had matters that I was attending to; I trust your journey was a pleasant one. The rain in this section seemed a tad worse then the gentle Orlesian fall you must be used to" The sarcasm and disdain ebbed from Elissa's words and her eyes pierced into Fregains stance. He took three very small steps back pretending to take in the shabby and unkempt appearance of the Insolent warden before him.

"You may address me as Second warden, Cousland and do not waste my time with your snide concern on my travelling and address the matter of your light title shall we?"

"I am but a simple Warden now my…"

"ENOUGH! You are what we say you are, have you any idea of how Weisshaupt will see this?"

"They have been informed"

"They what? How dare you skip a chain of command."

Alistair found his hands suddenly gripping the hilt of his sword, Elissa stood calm and gave a small impertenant huff of air. Tahret Fregain was wasting her time and she made no attempt to hide her disinterest in anything this little man had to say. Whatever they had fallen out over had stayed with Elissa and Tahret knew it. Slight shuffles of Ferelden Grey started to shimmer through the gathering of wardens and Alistair started to edge forward himself, his place was always beside her and even if she did not welcome it..that is where he would be. The tension in the small room was becoming unbearable and the warning signs in his trained instinct were telling him to move twoards her.

"This is not Orlais ser, but Ferelden." Elissa rose tall, a curve of superiority weaved its way into her words twisting the patience of the cretin before her "And if you insist on not registering my resignation than I must remind you that I am the highest ranking officer for this territory and I answer only to the first."

"I should string you up where you stand…"

The room rushed into activity and a swarm of grey wardens swooped along and in front of Elissa facing the raging second warden. Alistair moved forward and was caught by a hands grab to his stomach. Oghren stared him down and spat a warning out the corner of his mouth "steady boy…not yet"

The room had become a stand off in mere seconds, swords were being drawn and sides picked. Elissa did not flinch as her men began to offer their lives instead of her own, the loyalty had never left these men's hearts and in a few seconds…they were about to prove it. Only hatred could have moved the sides this fast into conflict and in the centre stood Elissa…straight out of the mouth of the underworld, standing strong with wings of grey around her not doubting for a second her skill in harvested hatred could kill any man in that room.


End file.
